I am such a pessemist sometimes!

Why can't I just be happy!?!

OK so I have gone on 5 dates with younger guy and we are REALLY hitting it off. He seems to like me a lot and I definitely like him. Ya know how I know...? Because I have talked about him to my friends...I don't do that. Ask a twin...getting me to talk about my dating life is like PULLING teeth hahaha.

We talk on the phone and text quite often which texting, yea I do that a lot but I hate talking on the phone but I talk to him soooooooooooo yea.

He's smart, funny, cute, fun, motivated, good hearted, understanding...shall I go on? I know he has flaws too... like smoking (blah), not the greatest job (but he is working on that...he had TWO interviews last wed...), kinda stubborn (I have NO room to talk there haha). But anyways I really like him. But I keep waiting for him to be a nut case! What's wrong with me hahaha. I am trying to surpress it :D.

I had a big scare though last night (we hung out for a few hours after work). You see I kinda SUCK at lying. And I haven't really said anything about my living situation. I mean he knows I have a roommate and that said roommate is male. Well last night we were talking and it slipped out. I was waiting for the "I don't think I can handle that" talk. Instead I got the "I like you way too much to have something like that get in the way" talk. I was like "I know I understand its weird, I'll get my...wait what?!" He asked questions. I explained situations. And he understood. He did say I am a bigger person than him. He left EVERYTHING to his Ex...just left. I cannot do that. I have WAY too much invested in the house...plus my name is on the mortgage and it's hard to find anything else when you have something like that on your credit :P.

But he said he trusts me...which he should...but it surprised me because most men cannot get past the living with a person of the opposite sex thing, much less an EX! He also said it helps that he can tell we don't really talk (me and Ex). Me and Younger Guy talk at night before I go to bed. He said if I was hiding something that wouldn't happen. Plus he's heard us interact when he is on the phone and he said its very roommate like. AND I stay out till all hours of the night with him and no one calls looking for me. Hahaha.

*sigh* I REALLY REALLY REALLY like this guy. Even to the point that he is maybe going to meet my friends this weekend... SHOCKING I know!!! I told him if he wanted to meet up with us at a festival this weekend he could. He said he was glad I asked. He wants to meet them but he would NEVER invite himself or ask to be invited. He knows I had issues with Internet Guy and well one he's not like that and two he didn't want me to be like OMG no way. Hahaha.

So that's right chickadees if you are going on Saturday with me to said festival there is a good chance you will meet Younger Guy ;) Be nice please, hahaha

I think I need a restraining order!

How dumb can one guy be?!

Ok so the best way to a woman's heart is...by calling her a whore and then asking why she doesn't want to be with you...right?! OK so I was gonna do this right and actually try to talk to him...because thats how I roll. But the other night he texted me and said "So are you and ______ together now?" WHAT?!?!?! Seriously!? So at that point I decided he could rot in hell :P.

Tonight he messaged me...here is the conversation:

IG: hello NOLAGurl
NOLAGurl: Im filing my taxes whats up
IG: oh u know..
IG: just kind of wondering why i havent heard from you in almost 2 weeks
NOLAGurl: because you sent me a jackass text the other night so I figured it wasn't worth calling
IG: lets see, his face is the only guys face in your pics, lets rewind the clock here, your promos, Halloween, Abita Christmas Bash, BCS Championship, Rascal Flatts, Irish-Italian parade, shall i go on? anyway, all the time u make for your friend, "Purple ______" which im beginning to wonder to just how u know that exactly now....anyway, u call me a jackass, thats fine...
IG: youve been nothing but a lying bitch this whole time to me anyway whos done nothing but waste my time
NOLAGurl: Your an ass, thanks. insult me all you want. your suspicious, insecure attitude didn't help. And yes maybe I am seeing someone else now....or at least thinking about it... and NO ITS NOT ________
IG: i dont give a fuck who it is, thanks for wasting 7 months of my life
NOLAGurl: good bye IG
IG: i was nothing but understanding of you and all your emotional drama and bullshit and lies
IG: look where that got me
NOLAGurl: You blame everything on everyone else. I am a liar with emotional drama. You are a mama's boy who never grew up. I cared about you. Take that for what its worth. And no you weren't understanding you just like to tell yourself that
IG: hmm u live with your ex
IG: go out constantly and gotten fucked up how many times?
IG: and blew me off for the holidays
IG: and dresses like a teeny bopper for concerts
IG: and im the one who hasnt grown up?
NOLAGurl: We dressed up for NKOTB and your using that against me.... Look I need someone to like me for me.... And I know there are people out there that do/will. I like to be me. You never accepted that...and I think I may have found someone that does
IG: i never accepted being treated like shit
IG: i made all the effort
IG: u never did
IG: lets see our second date u were over an hour late
IG: lets see
IG: lsu-florida, u were too fucked up to see me, good thing i wasnt at Lagers already
IG: im in the quarter trying to meet with u and u dont answer ur phone, probably because u were with _______ or some shit
IG: Thanksgiving no effort
NOLAGurl: Um yea I wasn't with _______ and I was drugged for the LSU UF game…but thanks :P
IG: Christmas, blown off completely
IG: new years, never saw you
NOLAGurl: New years you hated me bc of christmas
IG: quite shocked i saw u for my birthday
NOLAGurl: Look I dont need to relive this and neither do you. I saw you for your bday bc I wantd to.
IG: what else a few weeks ago, u call me in th wee hours of the night
IG: working u promo, and u were trashed
NOLAGurl: I wasn't trashed asshole. I know why you have issues with women, you change everything to fit your reality. honestly Im not sure any of them were crazy...they were probably normal and got tired of your bull.
IG: hmmm youre the only real crazy one ive dated NOLAGurl
IG: youre 27, and act like youre 17, and the only thing u have on me, is that im at home right now, even though im currently working on resolving that as we speak, not that u need to know that
NOLAGurl: Good for you. I dont act like I am17. Just bc I have a life and you don’t does not make me 17. What makes me 17. My mortgage, my job, my love life? Really....most people think I am much older.... having fun and being immature are two different things. I have responsabilities...lots of them... and I am working on my situation too, not that you need to know that.
IG: just like u were working on it back in August right?
NOLAGurl: Nope actually different but it wouldn't matter to you. I'd move out and you'd find something else to hold over my head.... I'd stop going out and then something else would surface....I'd alienate my friends and then you'd finally be happy maybe. I dont really care anymore. I wanted to do this right but whats the point.
IG: just like the reason u didnt want me over in the beginning, had absolutely nothing to do with EX right?
NOLAGurl: huh?
IG: exactly how were u gonna make this right? just continue to ignore me?
NOLAGurl: No. BUT I wasn’t going to tell you to eff off via IM. I was going to be an adult about it and have a conversation...then you texted me on Monday about _______ which infuriated me and my date. I decided at that point it was pointless. there is no making you happy
IG: well lets talk now, what exactly did u want to say?
NOLAGurl: whats the point so you can tell me Im lying, imply that im a whore or try to make me think something wrong with me for being me....or refusing to end a friendship bc your insecure. Which part would end well???

As I type this he is still IMing me asking what I wanted to tell him and I have not responded. I am blocking him/deleting him on both social sites and vi IM.  I attract PYCHO PATHS!

The crazies had a revelation...

Is it possible to get someone to realize they are a lil' crazy?!?!?!

So Internet guy and I had a 'talk' the other night. I FINALLY got him to realize he's a bit crazy (that sounds bad but its true). I mean for goodness sakes after we were only talking a couple months he had a freak out and accused me of being on a date when I was in the quarter with my friends (not that I couldn't be on a date but still). And then the cornering of my friend at a bar and grilling him with questions about me. Not to mention the lovely recent accusation. After we didn't talk for a few days (I was trying to distance myself bc I am REALLY interested in Younger guy) he called and said and I quote:

IG: "Where have you been?! Why didn't you call me?!"
Me: "I was busy with family and other stuff, sorry. I texted you... and no offense but my life does not revolve around checking in with you."
IG: *yelling* "Well what were you doing?!"
Me: *Ok i am annoyed now* "Ya know I don't think that is any of your business..."
IG: "What were you doing?! Who were you F**KING??"
Me: *in shock now* "Are you kidding me? Thanks for that, I appreciate it. I have to go"
IG: "I want to know why?!"

This is where the rest of the conversation went...

We went over ALL the situations/conversations when he freaked me the heck out. And why bc of those neurosis' I did not want him around my friends/family. By the end of the conversation he was very sad but it needed to be said. I kinda eluded that I was seeing a new guy but I never said it because I am too nice to be hurtful. But I know I got my point across. I don't want to be with you, I don't want you to get to know me any further, I'm not even sure I can be friends.

Anyways, when we were about to hang up he said "I just want to say one thing to you please, *sigh, deep breath*". I stopped him and said please don't say anything whether its nice or mean its not necessary and will not affect my decision. He asked me to call him Tuesday (I didn't, I texted him and said I really didn't want to talk). Then he texted me yesterday and wanted to see if I was having a good day and if he could see me. I never replied... I am doing the right thing I think. He cannot separate fun dating with serious relationship, soooooo yea.

I don't think we will talk again. Although he has a couple of my books, grrr. I think he was trying to impress me when we first started talking. I told him I like to read and he 'pretended' to like reading also and borrowed a couple of my espionage books and never gave them back OR read them. So all in all I think I did what needed to be done. He was insecure, fake (see above comments for example), jealous and clingy oh and did I mention STALKER like tendencies... I do NOT need that.

Don't Stop Believin'...

Haha, Is it possible to find a male version of you (like in a good way)???

I don't know how else to put it. I went on a date with the younger guy (that's what we will call him now ;)) and we really hit it off. We have a ridiculous amount in common! I mean we like A-LOT of the same things, have had similar life experiences (including a long term relationship/engagement gone wrong) and seem to have the same outlook on life.

OK so we met for dinner after work last Friday. And holy crap, I am extremely comfortable around him and was having a lot of fun just talking and being silly. So date going well so far, we decided to go bowling (he wanted to go play putt putt but it was rainy). We went drop my car off at his house and I met his TWIN and his sis in law. They were nice from what I can tell, but I was only there for 5 minutes. BUT I did get to play with the 4 month old yellow labmix puppy!!!! Who then peepeed all over the floor because she was so excited... ooops my bad, dogs like me, haha. Anyways he kicked my butt in bowling! But I guess it doesn't help that I SUCK at it, hahaha. So we got a pitcher of beer (romantic right ;) haha) and were bowling and I realized how cute he is. Plus he has the greatest personality so then I was like crap I like him... I wonder if he likes me?! But then my question was answered really quick when he came up behind me and hugged me...YAY! Hahaha.

After bowling he was like lets just go hang out someplace...OK. So we go to a bar nearby and he was DYING for a cigarette (yucky :P) because we'd been drinking and he was really embarrassed about it but it was our 1st date so I didn't want to be like no you cannot have one...so I said how about I go to the bathroom and you do whatever you need to. After I couldn't really tell but we were in a bar sooooo I dunno. We talked for a while about...everything. It was crazy, I don't think I've ever talked that much on a 1st date! Well the bar decided to shut down at like 11 so he was like wanna go hang out at my house. My first thought was no, but he didn't seem like a crazy person so I said OK. And no he is not crazy ;).

We sat on his couch in the living room (his bro and sis in law were in bed). We talked some more (good lord ;) haha). Then I turned when he asked me a question and he kissed me which I wasn't expecting for some reason. Wow...good kiss :D hehe. And I was a little leary about it because I've kissed a smoker before and it was kinda...well not really nice. Well this was nice...really nice. So for the next few hours (hush :P) we were laying on the couch kissing and talking. It was such a great date! But finally at 2AM!!! I was like holy crap I have to go. Which by now it was STORMING and I had quite a drive ahead of me :P. So he walked me out to my car and kissed me again, hehe, and asked me to call him when I got home.

Well on my way I get a call from my roommate...he was drunk and needed a ride... GREAT! So I went pick up his drunk butt. That was intersting. He was all hanging on me telling me how great a friend I was and that he's glad I don't hate him anymore and I am so great, blah blah blah. I was like I know, I love drunk talk , haha. Anywho, I talked to youger guy when I got home. He said he had alot of fun and would really like to see me again. Yay!!! So I think I definitely want to go out with him again.

It is a little weird though because he is just a few months older than my LITTLE BROTHER! And I am the same age as his OLDER SISTER. Argh! haha. I mean I look the same age as him (and he looks young) sooo its stupid I know, but I've never dated a guy younger than me :D But I like him so I guess we'll see what happens. We are supposed to get together again this weekend!

Fresh Meat!

That just sounds wrong doesn't it?

Well it's true. I've started talking to a couple more guys, hehehe.

New Guy Number 1:
He is from down the bayou. Met him on social network site. Accidentally ran into him in person after we started talking while going to lunch. Then went on real lunch date Saturday.

Pluses:
- Tall :D HAHAHA
- Smart
- Funny
- Kinda cute
- Loves LSU
- Gets my humor
- Likes Animals

Minuses:
- From down the bayou ;) haha jk
- He smokes (when drinking)
- Wears braces (but having jaw surgery soon to fix under bite)
- Works for same company as my Ex
- Says inappropriate things (very sexual content)

He's a very nice guy. I'd have to talk to him a little more to get a better vibe. But he kinda talks funny. It's because of the jaw issue so I try to look past it bc he is in the process of fixing it and that's superficial, right :P. I have a dirty mind as well so its hard to judge someone on that but I usually keep mine hidden at least until the second date, haha.

New Guy Number 2:
Met him on social network site. Just started talking. He's from BR. I haven't met him yet soooo I only have phone conversation and pics to go by.

Pluses:
- Average height (about 5'9")
- Looks sexy in pics
- Athletic (Plays soccer)
- Smart
- Loves LSU
- Large family
- He's a twin (:-) haha)

Minuses:
- He's a twin (if you know my friends you get this hahaha)
- He's a little younger than me
- He lives in BR

He's not ridiculously younger than me... only a few months older than my lil bro so it's kinda weird. But age is just a number, right? :P I guess I will have to talk to him a little more so I can get a better vibe, haha.

Did you know, I Attract The Crazies...

How is it that someone who hates DRAMA so much always has it find her?!?!?

I know this sounds like the eternal pessimist but when something/someone seems to good to be true...they probably ARE!

As you know I've had much drama with Internet Guy. I did like him A LOT but his insecurities are beginning to drive me batty. You see I kinda pulled away after the whole "You wont find anyone as understanding as me" bit, he pulled a couple months ago. Well we had yet ANOTHER talk last Thursday night. He showed up in the area where I live so rather than have him try to find my house I went meet him at a bar to "talk". We came full circle about how I do not want to be in a relationship and he is not going to change my mind. If he wants more, move on etc etc etc. After that 2 hour conversation I thought we were all good. Meaning either he would move on or just deal with it.

Flash forward to Friday. I was working for promotional company and AS ALWAYS I put where/when I was working on one the the social network sites (I'm only friends with people I know/trust). Anyways I was working 3 places that night and Internet Guy showed up at the last one o_O. I don't care if people come see me but I always tell EVERYONE the rules. I cannot talk to people I know, just a quick hello. My 'guy' really shouldn't be there at all but if he is should not interact with me or interfere with my job in any way etc. Evidently, he thought he was excused from these rules and broke every one of them!

First he walks in and walks straight to me getting in between me and a few customers I am TALKING to!!! Then gets mad when I say "I cannot talk right now I am working." He storms off and sits on the other side of the bar GLARING at me as I talk to customers trying to promote my product! Well as I was leaving I literally ran into a guy friend of mine. WE exchanged good-byes and I went to tell Internet Guy bye. Before I can get around the bar he comes bolting out of no where and stands right in front of me. I told him I was walking over to tell him bye. He said "No you weren't you were leaving". I was like, WHAT?! He asks me to wait for him to pay his bill. I said I can't...because I can't hang out at a place after the promo ends. He FREAKS. He says __________ has been hanging out with you all night. (My friend). I was like HUH!? I said stop!!!!! Then walked out.

He calls me about 7 times but I was in the car with another girl I was not about to answer. When I got to my car I answered. He proceeds to tell me how suspicious I was, mean, acting weird, etc. I was like WTF!!! I was working! He says, he's going to call me back and hangs up. Not 5 min later I get a text from my friend saying "HELP PLEASE!" I was like OMG, he did not. Yep he sure did. He cornered my guy friend that was at the place and proceeded to GRILL him about me and what exactly was our relationship etc. I was PISSED when I talked to my friend. When I talked to Internet Guy again, I was informed how horrible of a person I am. Now I was SOBER, he not so much :P. Anyways, after I endured this verbal attack I went OFF. I told him I can't deal with his insecurity and asked in what reality did it make sense to corner a friend of mine and grill him with questions about me. After I returned the verbal attack. I ended my conversation by saying, "You could have gotten me fired, You could have lost me a great friend, and you lost me. The slightest chance you may have had with me is GONE. We all know you were jealous of ______ even though we have nothing more than a friendly relationship. Do not call me oh and by the way HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, a-hole!"

He tried to call a few more times, I did not answer. Like I said before, I attract the crazies!

Mid Life Crisis...REALLY?!?!

How old do you have to be to have one of these? And why do they happen?

So I thought this was something that only happened in movies because I've never known someone who actually had a Crisis...I've known those that have second thoughts but not total breakdown.  

Today I had the most horrible day...not because of what a guy did to me but because of what he did to one of my very close friends.  You see the couple I am referring to has been married for MANY years, they have two beautiful/smart kids and are pretty much a perfect fit. Until recently!!!

She broke down to me.  Over the past few months she has noticed her hub slowly pulling himself away from her.  They haven't been intimate, barely talk, he goes out a lot and comes home with alcohol on his breath.  She said she tried talking to him but he said he's fine.  Wel she got a HUGE cell phone bill.  When she checked it she realized one number that was on there ALOT.  And she knew it right away...its one of their good friends. 

She confronted him about it when he finally strolled in and immediately he said, want me to leave.  No " there's nothing going on"  or "its not what you think".  His first response was, want me to leave.  That right there admits guilt...RIGHT!?!  Well they talked a little but their kids were there.  One thing he managed to get out was " I'm just not happy and I haven't been for about a year now".  My heart dropped when she told me this.  I had a flash back of my failed relationship last year.  Although we were not married and have no kids, we had the same weird confrontation.  The "I'm just not happy."  

She cried herself sick last night.  I didn't know what to say, all I wanted to do was hug her and tell her it would be ok.  He swears he never had an affair but he talked to her for HOURS everyday and texted all day long.  If it wasn't physical, it was still an affair.  It was an emotional affair!!! 

My friend and him talked again after the kids left.  He tried to blame EVERYTHING on her. He said he needs love too.  That everything is so routine.  That when they were intimate he felt like she wasn't there.  Although I'm sure there are things she can do different, I am also sure he's not perfect either!!!  He hurt her!  He crushed his wife, the mother of his children, the woman he supposedly loves.  And all he could say was "don't you ever think about what could have happened?  What if we should have followed a different path?  Haven't you ever thought about being with other people?"  She said NO NEVER.  He still stuck to the nothing happened but it was only a matter of time before the affair went past emotional...  

He finally realized what a douche he's been when she told him what their daughter said.  About a week or so ago she said "Mommy what's wrong with daddy?  He's not him anymore.  Are you all getting a divorce?"  Then she told him how she knows about his going out and drinking when she's not around because her son told her!  I'm pretty sure that made him feel like ass.  I HOPE IT DID!

He called her while I was talking to her to check and see how she was.  Guilt is a nasty thing to come to terms with.  

It made me realize how DUMB some men are.  They get this bug up their ass as they age.  They start to think about what might have been instead of appreciating what they have.  He is willing to throw away a wonderful marriage and beautiful wife because he can't stop thinking about what he missed out on because he had kids and got married kinda young.  He says its so routine... well of COURSE it is, they have two kids and just enough money to make ends meet... how are they supposed to break the routine???  She's tried, I know she has because she tells me, but they are always watching their money soooooo its a vicious vicious cycle.

Whether he wants to admit it or not he cheated on her, in a way, with another woman.  He strayed from his wife and family because he was feeling insecure!  He didn't try to fix it he just pulled himself away.  Which scares the crap out of me.  I want the happily ever after .  I want to fall in love and start a family but I am scared to death because I don't want to go through that.  I went through something similar once and THANK GOD we were not married with kids because I was a nut case after and I still don't know what happened.  I still have no idea why I wasn't good enough for him.  I'm glad things happened because now I can find someone who will treat me right but holy s--t, I don't think I could do it again.

Ok I think I am done freaking out now.  I still want to KICK my friend's husband's ass right now.  I hope to God he realizes what he is giving up.