Spider clan, spider clan...does whatever a spider clan does...

...like reproduce...and leave its sack of off spring dangling above my front door *nervous laughter*.

Right so...yea.  Um. Okay.  So the other half is out of town...meaning its just me if you don't count the dogs and cats.  Anyway, I got home from makin groceries when I noticed a white glob above the door.  *hmmmm* "well that's odd".  It was dusk and I really couldn't see well so I thought it was rubbish that got stuck from the wind storm we had.  Oh ho ho no, I couldn't be that lucky.

So after I got all the groceries inside I went to investigate.  It was in the upper corner (well out of my shorty reach) so I had to get kinda close to see it. with my phone light  At this point I realized it looked like...silk.  "Ummmmm, WTF, over".   It also looked to be hidden behind a fine webbing *crap crap crap*. 

Logical Brain: Its a cocoon...you know like a butterfly
Paranoid Brain: Its the f**king egg sack of the mother of all arachnids!  Someone call the Doctor, we have a Racnoss infestation.  
Logical Brain: Quit watching so much Sci-Fi, its just a cocoon. 
Paranoid Brain: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh *whimper, whimper*

So of course I have to get rid of this or fear being the first meal of these lovelies.  What does any logical being do...?

Which is exactly what I did.  I heard a crunch like sound...and then it MOVED.  You know that creepy "Oh my god something is slithering under the surface" move.

I crept back to it and managed to detach it from the door frame with my "trusty" stick...all the while going "OMG omg omg, ewwww, ahhhhh, *sobbing*".  All I could picture was f**king arachnophobia!!!  You know that barn scene *shudder*. 

It detached with a pop and crashed to the ground. It was worming around so I, uh, I...dropped a boot on it.  And it immediately burst open releasing a gazillion tiny spiders onto my car port.

I tapped danced on a few and sprayed RAID on the rest.  I think I need an exterminator...my solutions aren't working...I need an adult...I am clearly adulting wrong....someone help me!

After I finished murdering the babies I heard laughter.  "WTF" *peeks around corner*.  My neighbor was outside BBQ-ing and saw my antics.  God help me if he ever starts recording me...