Look, I embarrass myself regularly. I usually make a funny and its forgotten. But there are some instances where I relive the moment of stupidity over and over and over again. And I am not talking about "oh yesterday I did something silly" *shrug*. I am talking about driving in my car listening to the radio and *BAM* I am back in college saying something absolutely moronic to my then boyfriend. Or singing in the shower and *ZAP* it's 10 years ago and I am at my friends wedding drunker than Cooter Brown (I didn't do anything that stupid but I hate being not in control). Maybe the memory flash of that time I drank too much wine and said something horribly insulting a friend couple of mine. And I didn't mean it like it came out. I hadn't eaten and my thoughts were scattered so I couldn't brain properly. Or how about when I randomly remember that I actually wanted to STAY with the dumb@$$ that punched the wall next to my face...what on Earth was I thinking?!?!?! *ugh* I hate remembering that one.
I just don't get it. How do people permanently put embarrassing moments behind them??? Or are they like me, they look all whatever on the surface but under the facade they are cringing at the memory of that stupid thing they did/said in High School. How many times will I be overcome with "OMG I can't believe I said that" or moments of "God, I was so stupid!" There are sometimes weeks between my "memories" other times it is hours. But all of them are 100% unexpected. Meaning they come completely out of LEFT FIELD.
Does anyone else want to crawl under a rock when this happens? Because 90% of the time my memory triggers that gut dropping feeling of utter disappointment in my ability to be semi normal. What's funny is I am almost certain my stupid moment(s) isn't remembered by anyone other than myself. Maybe my subconscious just likes to beat me up from time to time. You know to make sure I don't have too much confidence in myself.
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