The power of the subconcious

Sometimes my subconscious mind scares the crap out of me!  So I was in quite a bit of  pain last night.  Well I say pain.  It was more like being insanely uncomfortable.  I thought it was a pulled muscle in my lower left back but it wasn't tense/knotted.  I tried a heating pad, stretching and every possible sleeping position, including face down, @$$ up.  Stop laughing, I used to sleep like this as a child and it was rather comfy. 

I tossed and turned all night.  When I did doze off, I had insane dreams about the pain I was in.  Well the pain my brain said I should be in, realistically I was just uncomfortable.  One in particular  involved being stabbed in the back, repeatedly.  Not pleasant at all!  Sometime after 4AM, I fell off into a detailed dream scape.  I don't know where I was but I was in a futuristic medical lab.  There was a physician.  I don't remember his face but he was older and a bit grumpy.  He said he had something to help with the pain.  I was reluctant.  I didn't know who he was but he seemed genuine.  He said something about me being stubborn and he didn't have to help.  *sigh* I relented.  He gently touched my lower back and the side of my face and the pain immediately fell away.  In reality I went into a deep sleep because the next thing I knew my alarm was going off.  The dull ache returned immediately upon awakening (argh, annoying!).   I rolled to get out of bed and that is when I was hit with a strong wave of nausea combined with a pulsing abdominal pain also on my left.  "WTF is wrong with me?!?!"

I somehow managed to get ready for work.  I am still uncomfortable but I am okay.  My friend seems to think I may have a kidney infection and wants me to go to the Doc ASAP because apparently it can get REALLY bad, really fast.  But I don't feel that bad just having this annoying ache.  Of course, it has been pointed out that I have a higher than normal pain tolerance so maybe I should go to the doc just to be safe. 

So what do you think happened in my dream???  How did I block out the pain so that I could sleep?  That is weird, right?!?!?  I feel like that is something I shouldn't have been able to do.  Its like an example of mind over matter or something.  Maybe I watch/read too much sci-fi but I thought it was strange. 

How many stars would you give 'What Would Satan Do?'?

This has to be by far the strangest subject of an email I have ever received from Amazon.  It is a review request.  Apparently I downloaded a Kindle book called "What would Satan do?".  I have no memory of doing this. 

I am a sweet little Catholic girl (well sort of), when did I download a book about Satan?!?  Weeeeeeell I do read lots of mythical, magical, good vs evil books (and I watch shows like Supernatural and Constantine) but this seems a little out of my element.  I mean why would I want to know what Satan would do...this isn't Supernatural...and if it were I'd be dealing with Crowley anyways. 

Since I am a curious creature, I opened the book.  I know every horror movie (SPN) buff out their just shrieked in fear.  WWSADD (what would sam and dean do)???  They'd say "OMG do not open the creepy book you don't remember buying!!! You douse it in salt and burn it"  Too bad its an eBook...how do you salt an burn and eBook, huh, huh?!?!?!  Stumped ya didn't I??? And I am not burning my iPad!  Great, guess I am now a pawn of the underworld. 

Whatever, I did open it and this is the first chapter title "Chapter 1: The Apostles Were Dirty Cannibals", WTF?!?!  Who let Cas write a book???  The first few sentences "There are days when it is appropriate to stomp the hell out of a frog, and days when it is just better not to. The trick is to know which is which.  Satan shot an evil look at the creature on the sidewalk. F**k frogs, he thought, using the new vernacular he hasn't quite got the hang of yet.  F**k them to f**king hell."   Ummmmm what...just what in the world?!?!?! I didn't know there was so much hatred for frogs.  I like frogs sir Satan. 

Then I went and read the synopsis and laughed my @$$ off.  This sounds flipping hilarious.  So now I know I probably DID in fact download it.  It is a satirical story about the devil giving up on hell because he doesn't like how God is handling Judgement Day (not The Terminator version) and is living on Earth. Then somehow becoming the only who will be able to stop Judgment Day.  I feel like this should be an episode of Supernatural where Lucifer & Michael get out of the cage and Michael is like "really guys?!?  What happened to heaven???" and Lucifer is all, "WHY is Crowley running my kingdom?!?! He's a total fan boy for those meddling brothers...I've only been gone for 4 seasons, this is unacceptable!"  Meanwhile the brothers are like, oh shit we forgot about Adam and we all have a good laugh. 

Does anyone else suffer from second hand embarrassment???

I do!  And it makes me nuts!!!  It is all in my head and sometimes I think I have lost my marbles.  Its stupid, so stupid.  I embarrass myself all the time because I am, well, me.  I mean I don't show it.  I do something, um, silly *ahem* and then play it off best I can.  Ya know, act all nonchalant.  Of course I relive said moment in my head over and over and over and...maybe I am neurotic...hmmm. But second hand embarrassment, I think I might die a little inside each time and I am not even the one doing the weird thing. 

And it is not just "real" people.  I find when watching a fav TV Show/Movie/Actor I cringe at their "awkwardness".   For example (seriously one of MANY), this show a couple weeks ago.  Its a crime drama...well a remake of a crime drama but whatever and its a good show.  I've seen both versions and enjoy both for totally different reasons.  Anyways there was this insanely AWKWARD scene in the original that also ended up in the remake.  Both times I wanted to crawl under the table because I felt the weirdness that was happening on screen.  Well in the original it was 1000 times more uncomfortable but it was still "OMG" worthy in the remake.  It is a total misread of a persons intentions.  As in, "hey, let's hook up, I know you want to." and the other person is like "uh yea no." 

But I only get the second hand embarrassment when watching serious TV/Movies.  If its supposed to be a comedy, I am fine.  All I can think of is I can overly relate to the weirdness going on.  Meaning, I am OBVIOUSLY an unusual person so when I see someone else being unusual and other people not getting it, I feel their uncomfortableness. 

What is really odd about me is this happens with books too!!!  Some characters make me bonkers.  There are times where I have to stop reading, look away and go "OMG are you kidding me?!?!"  Or giggle hysterically and put my head down because I cannot believe they did that or maybe because I can totally see myself doing that. 

Do I have an overactive imagination?!?!  Am I abnormally empathetic?!?!  Is this something other people experience?!?!  Am I really THAT weird?!?! I am fairly certain I am not the only one but sometimes I wonder. Now if you'll excuse me, I shall go read more of my book and suffer an insane amount of second hand embarrassment.

Yes, because when humans are born we are PERFECTLY well behaved

*argh* some people are so irritating.  Ya know what if you don't expect to have to TRAIN and CLEAN UP after a puppy or kitten or any other pet for that matter...then DON'T GET ONE!  Seriously, if you are investing your time and money into a new fur baby you should fully expect to have to raise said fur baby.  They don't come out of the womb knowing it is bad to pee pee inside nor do they understand that chewing on mommy's favorite shoes is a no, no.  You have to TEACH them!

It kills me when people are like "Yay, we got a puppy."  And everyone is all "awwwww, so cute.  love him/her."  Then like two weeks later the same people are all "OMG I hate this creature!  He/she has chewed ___(insert beloved item)____. I think we are going to give him/her back to the pound."  Cue me wanting to stab ignorant people.   You are an idiot!  Or the, "ugh, this thing smells." (talking about a ferret or hamster or cat litter or whatever)  Seriously?!?!  You have to CLEAN the cage/litter pan...like frequently.  Preferably once a week, if not more often (as in cat litter).

1.  He/she is a PUPPY (or other innocent furry creature)! You have to teach them right and wrong, just like you would, oh I dunno, a child. 
2.  It doesn't happen overnight!  Just because you tell him/her ONE time don't do that doesn't mean he/she will remember NOT to do that.
3.  You have a puppy/new pet...you must puppy/pet proof your home and belongings.  If you don't want it chewed or peed on PICK IT UP!
4.  You are their caregiver.  They cannot walk themselves/let themselves out (unless there is a pet door), clean their own litter/cage, feed themselves (unless you sprung for an auto feeder), or clean up if they've made a mess. 
5.   They just want love and attention.  They don't live very long so make their short lives AMAZING!

I am a firm believer when Cesar Millan says, "I rehabilitate dogs, and train people."  If you have a "bad" dog/pet, 99.9% of the time you created the problem.  Animals take their cues from their humans (just like kids take their cues from their parents).   It's not the dogs fault you never corrected them so why should they have to suffer because you are lazy.  There are way too many homeless pets.  Do us all a favor and don't get one unless you plan on keeping them for their entire life.  Extenuating circumstances not included. 

And don't go all, "you just don't understand", with me.  Because I TOTALLY understand.  I had a puppy from hell.  He was stubborn and never wanted to listen and destroyed everything.  But did I give him away?  No!  I brought his @$$ to obedience school and sprung for a kennel to keep him out of trouble.  And guess what???  He is the best dog ever.  Still stubborn as hell but he is a good boy. 

My point is if you aren't going to take time to be a responsible pet owner then don't get a pet. 

"Are you kidding?!?"

Said in my best impersonation of Roxy Hart.

I feel like there is a full moon a coming, the stupid is strong today.  Also the anger...and just a tad bit of paranoia. 

It is like every where I turn something insane is happening.  I am starting to wonder if I am the only one NOT affected by lunar cycles.  Menstrual cycles, yes...lunar cycles...meh, sorry...not sorry. 

I have been yelled at twice today for things that are 100% out of my control. 

Person:  This happened
Me:  Well I can fix this by doing that but it will take at least 3 days.
Person: No fix this now
Me:  I...I can't.  This is the fastest that can happen
Person: Make this work again
Me:... *thinking* "what part of I CAN'T, do you not get?!!?!?" I am trying my hardest but this is the best I can offer.
Person: Fine

**10 minutes later**

Person's Boss:  Person said you are refusing to help us out of a dire situation
Me: Uh, wha...no.  I am always happy to help its just my hands are tied.  3 days is the best I can do.
Person's Boss:  That is unacceptable
Me: I...I...There is a process we have to follow.  There is no way around it.  Had I gotten more notice this wouldn't be an issue.  This is as fast as I can...
Person's Boss:  We will deal with the fall out *hang up*
Me: *beating head on desk*

Then I told another person exactly how to do something.  They kept saying its not working.  Boss steps in, says the exact same effing thing and they say "ooooooh, I get it now".  Are you freaking serious?!!?!? I give up.

Also, this human...well I think human...sometimes I wonder.  Anyway this human said "I know you are going behind my back trying to make me look bad.  I will not allow you to run me off! You aren't better than me!!!" 
Me: ................???? What in the world are you talking about?
Human: Don't play dumb with me! I hate you! *walks away*
Me: What just happened......

Maybe I should wine tonight...yes, yes wine is definitely in my future. 

OMG there is a full moon tomorrow.  That CANNOT be a coincidence! And it is also a bit frightening.  If crazy is this bad today, imagine tomorrow o_O.