That almost seems like a line in the sand

That’s it…I am so over people!  I don’t get it…. But I will respect it because I am not a complete psycho. 

So I think it happened.  I think I have officially “lost” another friend.  There were a few acting a fool a while back….I thought all was good but I guess I should know by now some persons of the opposite gender are incapable or unable to be friends.  

Again, I have a BUNCH of guy friends.  Completely platonic, male friends.  We are all friends with each other and in many cases each other’s spouses. 

Everything has been okie dokie artichokie so I thought we were past the weirdness but alas I was incorrect. 

I try very very hard not to read into things.  Mainly because it’s exhausting and generally I’d prefer people be DIRECT.  But sometimes you get a vibe and just KNOW something is up. 

So I got a message the other day.  Not a mean message but a message none the less and it was odd.  It was ridiculously “formal” and unlike our normal bantering messages.  At first I was like all good we all have stuff going on during the day.  So I said cool, thanks, and whatnot and went on with my day.  

But later I saw it again and was like WTF.  It’s no longer “hey friend or hey bestie” its just hello or Hi. Or the weirdest is my actual full name, not like my nickname.  Again tried not to read into it.  

But then I made a comment about Not sure if you saw my pic or not and I got the “I don’t think I should like or comment on your pictures.”  Ummmm I’m sorry what?  

1. That’s fine I was just asking did you see it

2. Why did you tell me that?

3. WTF happened now!?!?

Also, I don’t think we can “hang out” or meet up  Which again we live fairly far apart sooooo it’s unlikely but what on earth happened.  Like please please please don’t tell me you think I was like hitting on you because I am friendly and like pack bond with everyone (not in an oogy way, I am stupidly loyal to peeps I click with).   You know (and can see) I have it pretty dang good and actually love my hubs and would NEVER. 

AND I have way too much respect for you and your spouse.  Like do you even know me?!?!?!  I mean I guess it could be a jealously thing.  but like 1. Not a cheater 2. Not my type 3. Did I mention, Not into the whole cheating thing?!?!?

Or maybe we got too close?  But like how….we don’t even live in the same f**king state. Like they thought we crossed a line of closeness…?  But again,…JUST FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!  And our messages weren’t scandalous…they were generally non-sense and gifs!

So anyways, I doubt we’ll be bantering and hanging out ever again so that blows because we were actually kinda close but hopefully some semblance of our friendship is salvaged. 

Friendship is a gift…I really wish people would cherish and have more respect for it!!!

Smokin' that W**d, Smokin' that Fiya

Okay not really.  I mean I don't poo poo on it.  But I've not been actually doing that YET my eyes are SOOOOOOO RED. 

And I don't mean bloodshot, tired red.  I mean "smoked a bowl" red.  

Not sure If I've mentioned before but I have Rosacea.  But not in the traditional sense...as in not bright red splotches on my cheeks/nose/chin. 

Oh no... my weird @$$ gotta be different.  My weird@$$ has rosacea...in my f**king eyeballs!

No lie my eyeballs starting getting dry and pissy and red.  I went to the Dr and they said 'oh baby that's Ocular Rosacea'.  I'm sorry...what?!?!

So I got an ointment...because that's what old people get for bull$hit.  So two-three times a day I get to put that in my eyeballs....otherwise...I look like f**king Cheech and Chong. 

Just call me Mary Poppins y’all

I guess this is Part 2 or “The end”, since I called the other one the beginning.  

We left off with a friend dragging me away from my grandparents house and ending up on a hill looking at a two story blue siding and brick house.  He grabbed my hand and said “You’ll be safe with us”.  

We started walking towards the house and that is when I realized it was actually two houses SUPER close together.  Like their front porches were almost touching. I turned to my companion and was like “bruh why you built so close to this other house?!?” And he said something about saving money. 

We went inside and he said “I can’t wait for you to meet *insert wife’s name*”.  As soon as he said her name, I realized who he was.  He was MY friend.  We work together.  How didn’t I recognize him before?!!? He’s just a smidge taller than me…I would know him anywhere!

I could hear kids playing someplace and I heard someone call out his name from the other room.  Now I’ve never in person met my friend’s wife.  I see pictures on social media but that’s all.  So he guides me into like a kitchen/breakfast area and there is his wife but like she looked different than pics but still I knew it was her.  She seemed surprised to see me so he told her something about how I was in danger and needed to stay with them.  He left out the whole party at my grandparents house turning into a literal nightmare. 

She was incredibly nice and asked if I needed to rest.  I told her yes and was brought to a spare room where I was immediately “attacked” by 3 children.  Again never met the kids but I know a lot about them from him.  I was their new friend apparently.  

It jumped around a bit but I was there for a while. At least it felt like some time was passing.  I played ALOT with the kids.  I distinctly remember running around with them playing like hide and seek or something and all of us getting fussed at for being “wild”.  Which is hilarious because I know I am older than both my friend and his wifey.  

At one point I was in like a hallway with a doorway into the back of the kitchen.  But the door way was kind of small.  Like a child could walk through it but an adult would have to duck.  My friend found me and we were talking and I asked about the small doorway.  He said the house came that way and the builder said they weren’t allowed to make it bigger (WTAF).  He said he hit his head on it regularly.  But he didn’t like to use it…because it didn’t feel right.  

I am not sure the dynamic but I think I may have become like a Nanny for them. We were as close as ever and I became really close with his wife.  Like we had alot to talk about but for the life of me I cant remember any of it.  One night they were about to go out with friends.  These friends came over, two couples.  One of the women was a tall African American woman.  I recognized her but not sure from where but my friends were like “Oh y’all know each other!”.  

They were panicking because the babysitter didn’t show up. And I was like I can stay home with the kids.  That’s what y’all have me for.  Plus I don't have anything to wear to dinner that looks fancy enough.  This is when I noticed everyone was in like formal attire and I was in like a cute dress but not nearly dressy enough.

My friend was like no, you are supposed to come with us.  You have to come with us.  You can’t stay alone, its not safe, that’s not how this works.  That creepy feeling from the last dream came back.  Like I didn’t know I was dreaming, so not a lucid dream but the unsafe feeling came back.  

My friends wife was like we should just stay in, we have the movie room! I was so confused, they were dressed for like a ball, not a night in with movies and pizza.  She looked…scared.  He looked concerned and I realized I had three kids hugging me, like they were scared they’d never see me again.  

That’s when I noticed the sound.  Not wind, not weather…but a low growling howling.  It was dark outside but not like night…unnaturally dark. I didn’t feel safe anymore.  I started to have a panic attack (not something that happens to me often).  

My friend grabbed me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes and said we have to go. He has very distinct eyes, like he was looking through me…it was weird.  He said  I’ll see you next time. And hugged me incredibly tight.

that’s the end.

So I dunno what the hell I ate last night but this is what my subconscious came up with.  

Did I somehow attend a Dead People Party????

Dreams are weird. They jump around…they make no sense.  But gosh sometimes they feel so dang real!

The beginning.  We were at my grandparents old house in NOLA.  The one that was destroyed by Katrina.  Everything was the same.  The scents, the furniture, my deceased grandparents and Paran.  There were even a bunch of dogs and cats but none that I recognized.  The only real difference was that about 3 feet in front of their front porch was a 6 foot tall chain link fence. 

There were other people there but even though in the dream I knew them…I couldn’t tell you who they were.  But they felt like family/friends.  Well one of the bigger dogs got over the fence and was on the street side.  My Paran and I were trying to wrangle it and a couple others that weren’t theirs that showed up because we were worried about them getting hit by a car. My pawpaw was fussing for us to hurry up because we were outside the fence.  

It was kind of chaotic and somehow cats were also involved.  But it was fun and everyone was laughing.  It was nighttime now and we went inside to eat.  It felt like the last Christmas Eve we were all together.  Lots of food on the table (buffet style), tons of people, laughing, and chatting.  But my mom, uncles and cousins weren’t there… which was weird but still It felt SOOOOO real. 

I remember at one point my bow legged pawpaw leaning against me laughing.  It was so surreal. Someone at the party…someone I couldn’t place because they never were at my grandparents house but they were a friend was about to leave.  That’s when things went sideways.  Something was wrong.  Very wrong.  Like we weren’t supposed to be there.  The feeling of safe left and they were telling me I needed to leave.  I needed to leave now.  

When we walked outside the sky looked like something out of a Sci-Fi movie.  It was a dark swirling mass of black, purple, dark blue, with streaks of silver.  This friend was panicked.  He kept saying we aren’t supposed to be here and grabbed my arm and his dog (this little white, shiatsu looking thing) and we climbed the fence to leave.  

I remember turning around to see if anyone else was coming but they were just standing by the fence watching, looking kinda sad. This friend kept saying NOLA Gurl come on, we have to leave now! So we started running down their street in the opposite direction of St Roch Park. As we were running the dark neighborhood was falling away and suddenly we were on a small hill of green grass looking towards this two story blue siding and brick house.  He grabbed my hand again and said you’ll be safe with us.  When I turned around to see the old neighborhood again…it was gone, just trees and green grass. 

This is when it transitions…. So I will start another post