Wear a "condom", you don't want Nature Herpes!

Just kidding. Maybe. Almost.

So the sig other was leaving for a last minute work trip.  The night before I was in a mood.  I was annoyed and being petty.  I grumpily did things while he packed.  One of those things involved opening a toy for the cats.  I don't know why but I took that moment to open the damn toy.

I was using a scissors to pop a zip tie.  Again I was pissy so I may have used more force than I realized.  The scissor slipped...ACROSS MY THUMB.

Series of Events that happened in less than 5 seconds:

I yipped
I dropped everything
I grabbed my thumb
I darted to my bedroom
I hear "are you okay"
YES!

About this time the pain receptors kicked in and I fell to my knees before I got to my bathroom sink.

My medical crew arrived to investigate.  This is when I realized I was crying because two dogs and two cats were trying to lick my face and my hand.  They were very concerned.

I feared looking at my hand based on the pulse I could feel in my injured thumb.

I shakily stood and took a peek.  The second I removed the pressure blood just poured out.  f**k f**k f**k!!!

I ran it under cold water and bent over to breathe and call for help.  "okay I am NOT okaY".

In his most caring voice, said "you need to put peroxide on it, water wont help"... "Oh f**k you very much" AHHHHHH.  So yea, I guess I deserved the attitude after my pissy mood all night but I almost sliced off my thumb can I get a little sympathy?!?!?

I probably needed stitches, it would not stop bleeding!!!!  I could see where the scissor went DEEP under the skin and down part of my nail.  But it was midnight and Health Insurance co-pays for ER Visits suck so I cleaned the $hit out of it, put Neosporin on it, and wrapped it 

That Mo**er F**ker THROBBED ALL NIGHT.  I couldn't sleep.  Every time I moved I hit it and woke up.  I had to bandage it for 3 days....it would start bleeding otherwise every time I touched it.

So why Nature Herpes you ask?  Well because right after, I did a run run in the woods woods.  My luck I would fall and get some weird bacteria...I didn't want to get nature herpes so I wore a finger condom.  They exist...and go on JUST LIKE A CONDOM.  Just roll it on and make everyone giggle....

Parade Etiquette - Don't be a Whale Vagina

Okay I've been here but I've been stupid busy.  Anyway, PARADE ETIQUETTE!  I have said this before and I will say it again.  Have some f**king MANNERS when in public.  Would it f**king kill you to act like a decent human while in public?!?!?!  

Just because you aren't from NOLA doesn't mean you are exempt from etiquette.  Actually acting like a tw@t waffle is a great way to get your @$$ kicked by a bunch of locals tired of your $hit.  

Moving on.  Went to a parade...got mad...still had fun...good people prevail!!!!

So there we are EARLY to a parade to claim our spot.  We were behind a barricade, honestly best spot because no one can get in front of you....WRONG!  Well normally yes but not this time.  This time people were literally on top of the marching groups and the "chaperones" were f**king failing at their jobs.  Be aggressive!  You have the right per your stupid little badge.  Tell those Mother F**kers to GET BACK TO THE SIDEWALK!  

Whatever, they failed and we got irritated.  Mainly because we were there for a while when suddenly the parade gets to us and people just stood....IN FRONT OF THE BARRICADE! The 1st few we all mouthed off to, sheepishly moved...good girls and boys.  But then there was this "family".  Two ladies, one man and a VERY small child.  

They stood right in front of us.  AND WOULDN'T MOVE!  After a 10 min pissing fight we all said f**k the barricade because it clearly doesn't matter and moved to the front of the STUPID crowd.  Well all the peeps behind the barricade who moved were now all besties with a singular cause.  F**k with the piece of $hit family.  

Now I am not (nor were the people around me) one to mess with a kid.  They are exempt but I will without a doubt subtly f**k with adults setting a bad example. I made sure that kid got throws and saw all the sights because I am not completely heartless.  

As I walked around said barricade a lady next to me said something unkind but true about the $hitheads in front of us. All I did was nod.  The psycho B**ch (mom or aunt, not sure) spins around and screams in my face "WE HAVE A F**KING 5 YEAR OLD!!!!!!" (ok...now all bets of me being nice are off) to which I replied calmly (while leaning back) "and you are setting a great example on how to be a C**t." 

Apparently this was unexpected because she gasped walked away.  They were acting like a bunch of High/Drunk high school kids but they were 30+ AND HAD A KID WITH THEM!!!!!!!!!! Mind you it is late (well after 9 PM).  A 5 year old should not be in or near the FRENCH QUARTER at this time.  So an unspoken thing happened. All of the adults who were DONE with their $hit, start dropping every subtle curse word/inappropriate word you could imagine along with HIGHLY inappropriate stories...some about the adults with said kid.  Basically the crowd made the ADULTS so uncomfortable they left.  Was is mature no, but sometimes dickheads need to be put in their place. The kid had no idea what was happening...he was FIVE (apparently) and was just smiling and having fun.

Moral of the story is if you set a bad example and act like a f**k nugget people will band together to publicly shame you.  Like I said, Kid had no idea what was happening, he was focused on the parade.  But the parents or whoever they were....realized they messed up and left...victory is ours!!!  Although, I do feel bad for the kid but not bad enough to give in. 

I don't give a flying f**k if you have kids or not, that does NOT give you the "right" to be an @$$.  You want a "front row" spot for the little one...get there early!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Or at least be nice about it and ask.  Had they said hey he can't see can he get here, TOTALLY DIFFERENT.