A hopeless romantic...

...am I that desperate for the Fairytale love story?! Not likely, HA!

Ok so I just jumped on the Twilight bandwagon and I am totally hooked. I recently started reading the 1st book Twilight (I've seen both the movies). And Oh my, every time I read I find myself smiling and totally enthralled in this book. I read ALOT, okay. I mean I finish books fairly quickly unless I have a lot going on, AKA holidays, etc. And I have never been this into a book. I have many favorites where I get wrapped up in the stories but this is waaaaaaay different. I find myself relating to Bella more than any other Character, WEIRD I know (stop laughing). It just baffles me. We all know my weird fetish for Vampires...I don't know what it is about them but I have always been fascinated by the concept and to see it in a new perspective is very refreshing. After I finish this series (which should be soon, HA) I am told I MUST read the Southern Vampire Mysteries series that was the inspiration for True Blood (I think). But I am not sure I will ever get into a story line as much as I have wrapped myself in this one. I literally have to force myself to stop reading, hahaha.

So all that being said I started to wonder why this story and not any other of the 100's that I have read. I honestly have NO IDEA. But I do know that I want a love like that. One where it hurts to not be with the person and pains you to think of anything bad happening to them or having them go away in one way or another. Where their mere touch sends chills down your spine and makes you fell all warm and fuzzy, etc etc etc. I feel like I have that now (stop laughing ;)). No really the emotional connection that I have with younger guy is something I have not had before. I have definitely been in love before on some level but I have never had the connection that I have now. And let me tell you it scares the hell outta me. I feel happy...VERY happy but so vulnerable to know that one person can affect me so much. Now if we had JUST started dating I would totally say its the 'new' relationship vibe that has me in a frenzy but we've been together 9 months (I know time flies right?!) and the same feeling is still there...not even really dulled just more comfortable, I guess. And eveidenlty him and I aren't the only ones that notice it. Since about September both of our families have been asking when we will start "making plans". We met the rest of our extended families over the holidays and even they were like "soooo when are we getting married?" Every time I turned 10 shades of red and felt like saying quit pushing people, but at the same time it made me so happy that they wanted us to be at that point...ya know. His family loves me and mine loves him, so whats the problem ;) HA. I am such a pessimist sometimes...I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out and all of this to just disappear in a flash...like its almost too good to be true. Even my friends are like sooooooo what's going on with big smiles...like I don't know what they are thinking ;) HA. Which don't get me wrong we have talked about the 'M' word ;). He totally sees me as his wife which again freaks me out because no one has ever told me that before...not even my Ex (5 YEARS!)...he said he wanted to marry me but he never said he could see me as his wife...which I guess you could say they are the same thing but hearing that from younger guy it just seemed different.

So if I am so happy in my relationship then why do I want an Edward Cullen?! Hahahahaha, because he doesn't exist. I don't care what anyone says...a man is a man and this character is way too in touch with his feelings to be anything more than a figment of the imagination. Every man has some elements of Edwards personality but I don't believe there is any man out there that can be quite as "awesome" as him and in touch with his 'feelings' without being a complete cheeseball or gay, HA! I haven't gotten far enough into the series to make any comments about Jacob but I have a feeling I will stay with the Vampire side because...well that's what I like ;) hahaha. I am weird, its a wonder how I ever attracted a decent guy!!!

Tonight we gonna pawty like it's 1999!

Is this really happening? No Way!

OK so why am I so giddy you may ask. Well because a few entries back I was annoyed with my living situation. Well good news people, come September 14th I WILL BE RID OF HIM! That's right my 'roommate' is moving...and not just to another house/apt/city....he's moving OUT OF STATE! *Doing the happy dance*.

What sparked this??? You See in July Younger Guy came pick me up from the house and all hell broke loose. My roomie FREAKED out and thought I was so inconsiderate for having someone pick me up. He didn't even come in or knocked...just pulled up, called me and I went out. About a week later roomie comes home and says "that company in TX wants me to come for an interview." I was like, cool. So he interviews, takes the job and says ok they want me to start in September. Okee Dokee!

Well being the douche that he is, that meant I needed to drop EVERYTHING I had planned for the next month and a half and help him make the repairs on the house that should have been done over a year ago!!!!!! As you may imagine that did not sit well with me and I flipped out a bit and he retracted his request. I mean come on....August is my boyfriends, 3 of my best friends and my brother's b-days AND my High School reunion...sorry buddy I'm kinda booked...but I'll help when I can.

Well then he says (at the beginning of August) "Don't pay me for your half of the bills this month...use that for Landscaping". Um really...during the HEIGHT of hurricane season, you want me to spend mucho moola and landscape....so I bought the supplies but I am not landscaping until I know a storm isn't going to form and destroy my work (and money :P).

Well now that it's getting closer he is getting more and more remorseful. He seems excited about this new opportunity but he keeps making random statements. Things like, "It's going to be weird...I mean I have lived with you for the past 6 years". Which yes, I agree it will be a little strange BUT I lived with my 2 best friends for 4.5 years and then moved out by myself when we graduated and although it was strange I was A-OK. Granted this is a little differnt but we have been broken up and living seperate lives for 1.5 years now so I think the transition...at least for me will be smooth. He's said other things but none as memorable as that one :P. So THANK GOD I will be out of town the weekend he moves out because I don't want to be a part of that Drama/pent up emotion when reality hits him and he realizes he had a knee jerk reaction to my boyfriend being "real" and is now on his way to TX where he has no friends or family. Just the 'friend' he made at a training session who will now be his boss. I ain't worried about him, seems like a legit company and he's getting paid more (which evidently is all that matters to him) so he wont be back. I just hope I get the $$$ so I can finish the house and move on with my life!

I had the weirdest dream!!!

Ever have a dream so vivid and wonder if it was real???

Ok so last night my dream woke me up around 3 AM and I couldn't fall back asleep. It started at my current house. I had all my friends and boyfriend over for an LSU game. At some point I decided to go use my bathroom which is in my room (master bedroom). As I walked in the door to my room, I got chills down my spine, felt like the temperature dropped 20 degrees, and had that fear in the pit of my stomach. Before I could look around the door to my room started to close. I was paralyzed with fear. I saw a figure standing behind the door, mind you there were no lights on in my room but I could still see. It started to walked towards me and I collapsed on the ground. Then it said don't be scared in a very familiar soothing voice. When it came into view I could see clearly who it was.

It was my Paran (my godfather) who passed away almost 9 years ago (December 1st, 2000). I couldn't speak. He said again don't be scared and touched my hand but still I couldn't move. I was no longer frightened but confused. Then he kissed me on the forehead and I relaxed a little. He said he had been watching over me. He said he was in a bad place for a long time. He said he paid for all the things he had done wrong in life. But that he was in a good place now and happy with the family and watching me. At this point we had somehow made our way into my bathroom and had the light on and I could see that he looked just I remembered. Then my friends came to the door looking for me and my Paran said if I turned on and off the lights fast a few times, they wouldn't be able to see him. So I did and they came in and couldn't see him. Then I told them what happened and did the light thing so they could see him. But only nice Twin Friend and me could see him, no one else. She wasn't scared either but was confused like I was...

It gets a bit fuzzy at this point but I woke up feeling happy not scared. Ok who wants to analyze this one???

It's all butterflies and rainbows...

UNTIL YOU BREAK UP!!!

 

OK not to worry me and younger guy are F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!  Sorry didn't mean to scare you but the statement is true.  I am referring to my previous long term thang that ended in...well lets just say that ended.  

If you don't know...now you know!  Hahaha sorry, I am in a goofy mood...I think its lack of sleep.  Anyways if you don't know I am currently living with my "Ex Fiance".  Most people would not consider us ever engaged but he did ask me to marry him and he did buy a ring...I just never wore it :P.  But you see back in the day we thought we were going to be getting married so we made the DUMBEST decision on earth...we bought a house together!!! OK don't get me wrong, at the time it seemed like a smart idea and we got a really good deal on the house.  But now that we are going our separate ways we are...STUCK!  No lie...there is no easy way out of this. 

 

At first, everyone is like just sell it...sounds easy enough but when you live in an economy where the housing market tanked its not so simple.  PLUS 2 years ago...almost to the day a pipe busted in the hallway.  All of the flooring in the hall, living and kitchen needs to be replaced and 2 walls need to be repaired.  NONE of this has been completed...well he did 1/2 a wall...$8000 from the Insurance company and nada...just got the pipe fixed...and its driving me UP A WALL.  Plus its been through 3 major hurricanes since we bought it so the back doors are a little warped/rotted and need replacing and all the rooms need re-painting and the carpet really should be removed.  So you tell me how the HELL are we going to sell a house in a barely recovering market that needs that much work without taking a loss.  I'll answer for you...NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

 

After that is explained everyone says "well just have him buy you out." Also not as easy as it sounds.  For him to "buy me out" he would 1st have to have the house appraised, which would suck for me because its not in tip top shape and that wont happen because it would be reporting to the insurance company and we could get in trouble for not making the repairs they already paid us for. Then he would have to refinance...which would suck for him because although he has great credit its one income vs. two....meaning a higher interest rate. So again...NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

So then they say "well just move out and let him deal with it".  Seriously people think about this for just a second.  He has been irresponsible enough to NOT do the repairs paid for by insurance and my name is on the Mortgage WITH his.  It is 1/2 mine.  Why on God's green earth would I leave my asset in his hands.  I can hope he'd do the right thing and fix it and repair it and sell it but I do not have faith that he will actually do that in a timely manner.  Also I can't just move out.  Most rental properties are running credit checks now for new tenants.  OK my credit is really really good for someone my age...probably because of the house.  BUT when a potential landlord is looking at my report he will see a MORTGAGE with a $900 monthly note.  Evidently this is a HUGE red flag for them.  Because then the look at your monthly income and say there is NO WAY this chick can pay me and keep her house out of foreclosure.  How do I know this you may ask...because I have tired.  Not numerous times but a handful and the result was the same.  I could not "explain" my way out of it.  They DENIED me!  

So my only saving grace would be to find someone renting a room OR their own house but even they can do a credit check (maybe not as detailed) if they want to because of the nature of the transaction.  How do I know this...because my family did it on the girl renting my grandmothers house...and they know their tenant...since birth!

So I am stuck...in a house...with my ex...until further notice.  I hate this!  Why am I griping about it now, you may ask.  Well because I am in a kinda serious relationship with younger guy.  I like seeing him...ALOT.  So I am not home alot lately.  I take care of my pups and I leave.  My roomie is not always there so I was going to ask him about re-vamping our 'agreement' about no house guests.  Well before I could, he came talk to me Sunday night.  He thinks I am taking advantage of him by not being there.  And that its 'obvious'  I am in a relationship.  Blah blah blah.  So I explained, I am never there bc I am not allowed guests.  He said he doesn't care if the girls come over now.  I was like that does me a little good but not really.  I tried to get him to see things from my point of view but he just couldn't do it.  He was like "well I am not looking for a relationship because its hard with us living together".  I told him I wasn't looking either and that I had sworn off men right before I met my guy...these things just happen.  We never really resolved it.  If he is not there I do not see the big deal...he doesn't even have to 'know'....just like I really don't care... just don't have some floozy in MY house while I am trying to watch TV, etc and don't touch my stuff.  NORMAL Roommate etiquette.  I guess that's all I am just very frustrated because I have a house, and I cannot have guests because I live with my Ex and have no other feasible option.  This SUCKS!

I hate being an over-thinker!

Why am I feeling insecure…it’s just not my style?!?!?!

 

Wow it's been a while huh?!  Well you see what ha happen wuz, this person in my office (possibly me haha - I don't think it was but who knows) was on a social site and the boss man/lady saw and now we can only get to a handful of websites....boooo.  So I have to remember when I get home to update yáll...I used to do it on my lunch break...oh well.

 

Anyways so I am having this weird insecurity thing going on and I don't know why. OK lets step back a sec,  this is going to sound conceded but every guy I have ever dated I have always been the new "hot" girlfriend.  Or when it came to ex's I was the "hot" ex-girlfriend.  I know I know blah blah blah.  But I guess that's just the way it went.  Well last night things kind of changed (for me anyway).

Now let me lay this out there, my boyfriend is always telling me how pretty/sexy/great I am so this thought process is irrational and should not matter but I am crazy so it happened anyways, HA.  

You see last  night we were watching SYTYCD.  Which I LOVE that show by the way.  Anyways the first couple was doing their thing and the girl is very hot/slim/perky a typical professional dancer body.  Well my man says "she has a body like my ex".  I just said, ok.  And continued wathcing TV.  But for those that know me well know that I may have looked like I was watching TV but the wheels were turning and the show was the last thing on my mind.  OK I am not a complete psycho...one comment does not make me freak.  This is like the Um-teenth comment.  And don't get me wrong...I do NOT think I am fat by any means but I am a little out of shape and have a few more curves than I used to (I'm getting older, blah blah blah).  Over the almost 4 months we have been dating we have discussed our Ex's not in too much detail but we talked about them none the less.  And from what is seems ALL of his were a size negative 4 and brunette with fake tata's (or wanting fake tata's).  Which like I said normally I could care less and am confortable in my own skin...well most of the time.  But I guess when you hear about them and their perfect like bodies so many times at some pont the barrier will break and the insecurness comes flooding out.  And let me clarify he's not comparing me to them or being mean...it's just random statements that come up due to conversation or, like last night, a TV show.  So last night, ALL effing night, all I could think about was (this is a direct quote from my brain, HA) "OMG I am the NEW chubby, flat chested, blonde girlfriend".  It's like he changed his style because he was having bad luck with that type so he went total opposite or something.....  Do not attack me, let me reiterate, I do not think I am fat but compared to a negative 4 I am a hefer at a size 2 :P.  

Again my guy is always complimenting me so this thinking is goofy but I am a girl and this kind of stuff happens.  I don't want to be the crazy girlfriend that says don't talk about your past because I talk about mine.  But I've always dated very 'normal' guys.  As in I didn't ever date the body builder/male model/movie star looking type.  Most guys I dated had good bodies...slender but muscular...but I never mention that kind of stuff.  Like I never see a guy and say "he has a body like my ex" :P.  I guess I could...maybe I should...then maybe he would think before he talks...or maybe it will backfire, he'll get really pissed and then I'll have a whole new issue because he'll think I'm still wanting my ex.  Argh!  What to do?!  I probably should say something but I am trying not to be the crazy girl... HELP!!!!

OK I am done now.  Thoughts/suggestions??????????????????

I'm so happy I could POP!

Is that even possible?!?!?!

I know I know it's been a while since I have updated you, sorry it's been a little nutsy over here!

So why am I so happy you might ask? Well it's because I have the most AMAZING boyfriend. No lie he is just awesome! We don't spend every waking moment together (that would be over kill this early on) but we see each other once or twice during the week and usually at least one day on the weekend. And every time we are together we learn something new about each other. We have so much in common its sick ;) haha. When we talk its like we've known each other for quite some time instead of just a couple months, weird....isn't it??? Plus, he gets along great with my crazy friends (that's crazy in a good way ;)) and actually likes my family...well the ones he has met. And they like him so far and have now invited him to everything, haha.

He bonded with one of my good friends this past weekend, they were each others "date" to a wedding the rest of us were in. I haven't talked to her too much about it but he had a great time and thinks my friend is super fun and funny haha. His family seems to like me also. Well the ones I've met ;) and I think they are great...very similar to mine haha. I went to dinner once at his grandparents house and they ask if I am coming every week now (I've gone a second time). His mom asked him to babysit the lil sis (she's young) and then asked if I would go too. So I played with her for a while before it was bed time. She's sweet, a lil bossy but she really doesn't have any siblings to compete with... there is a 10 year difference between her and her closest sibling (his younger bro).

*sigh* It's almost surreal, ya know. I've had good relationships before but I've never been so comfortable with someone not even my Ex, now roommate, and we were very close...well for a while. I keep waiting for the floor to fall out from under me. I know, I know stop being negative but I can't help it. Good things do NOT happen to me usually so when something seems so great, I get kind of nervous about it. I think he is scared too though, we've talked about our past relationships...he has had horrible luck with women...he's been cheated on a few times, he was engaged and she broke it off out of the blue...things like that will scar a person and well I seem to attract, socially detached or OVERLY jealous or just plain crack crazy, men.

So what I am saying is so far so good...actually so far REALLY good. Somebody pinch me! On second thought, don't do that I am liking this too much :D

Sometimes it's hard to be happy...

...when a good friend of yours is so sad!

I am on cloud nine and in what appears to be a promising relationship :) .... but... A few posts back I talked about a friend of mine whose hubby had an emotional affair...well a few weeks after I posted that it was discovered it was a FULL BLOWN affair. He slept with another woman...for 6 months! Well my friend forgave him with conditions (not sure if I could do it but I've never been in THAT position so I dunno). Things have been fairly good considering. They have good days and bad days but he seemed genuinely sorry and wanting to make things work.

Well today I spoke to her and she was crying!!! You see ever since this all happened he drinks...a good bit...on Fridays after work. But said he wanted to try and stop. Ok cool! Well he just got a new job and was sent for training out of state all this week. She called him last night to see how his day was....he was in a bar. Talking to the waitress and telling his WIFE how the waitress thought his facial hair was sexy and wanted to know if she was gonna come up there and "cut a bitch". NICE :P. Well he said they would be leaving soon and he'd give her a call later. 10:00PM rolled around and still no call so she called him so his KID could say goodnight... He was still at the bar... DRUNK! He said he couldn't hear her and he'd call her back. He never called...she called him a few times...no answer. She stayed up ALL night waiting for him to do the right thing! Never happened...

She talked to him this morning and he doesn't remember her calling at 10 OR that she called a few times and he didn't pick up. He is sorry...or so he says but she is crushed...AGAIN! She is on the verge of making the most difficult decision of her life and all he can say is sorry I effed up...again...my bad :P. I don't get it...Why is it that he got to cheat...was forgiven...and he makes no effort. He should be KISSING her butt for forgiving him...instead he got drunk and dropped off the radar for a night.

I hate seeing my friends hurt by their Husband/Wife/GF/BF... it kills me. And although she is so happy that I am happy with my boyfriend (wow that still sounds weird to me) its hard for me to accept that there are still decent guys out there when I am watching a former decent man throw his marriage away!!! Most men are PIGS I just hope we all find that one out there that still has enough morals to be a loving husband and father....