It's all butterflies and rainbows...

UNTIL YOU BREAK UP!!!

 

OK not to worry me and younger guy are F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!  Sorry didn't mean to scare you but the statement is true.  I am referring to my previous long term thang that ended in...well lets just say that ended.  

If you don't know...now you know!  Hahaha sorry, I am in a goofy mood...I think its lack of sleep.  Anyways if you don't know I am currently living with my "Ex Fiance".  Most people would not consider us ever engaged but he did ask me to marry him and he did buy a ring...I just never wore it :P.  But you see back in the day we thought we were going to be getting married so we made the DUMBEST decision on earth...we bought a house together!!! OK don't get me wrong, at the time it seemed like a smart idea and we got a really good deal on the house.  But now that we are going our separate ways we are...STUCK!  No lie...there is no easy way out of this. 

 

At first, everyone is like just sell it...sounds easy enough but when you live in an economy where the housing market tanked its not so simple.  PLUS 2 years ago...almost to the day a pipe busted in the hallway.  All of the flooring in the hall, living and kitchen needs to be replaced and 2 walls need to be repaired.  NONE of this has been completed...well he did 1/2 a wall...$8000 from the Insurance company and nada...just got the pipe fixed...and its driving me UP A WALL.  Plus its been through 3 major hurricanes since we bought it so the back doors are a little warped/rotted and need replacing and all the rooms need re-painting and the carpet really should be removed.  So you tell me how the HELL are we going to sell a house in a barely recovering market that needs that much work without taking a loss.  I'll answer for you...NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

 

After that is explained everyone says "well just have him buy you out." Also not as easy as it sounds.  For him to "buy me out" he would 1st have to have the house appraised, which would suck for me because its not in tip top shape and that wont happen because it would be reporting to the insurance company and we could get in trouble for not making the repairs they already paid us for. Then he would have to refinance...which would suck for him because although he has great credit its one income vs. two....meaning a higher interest rate. So again...NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

So then they say "well just move out and let him deal with it".  Seriously people think about this for just a second.  He has been irresponsible enough to NOT do the repairs paid for by insurance and my name is on the Mortgage WITH his.  It is 1/2 mine.  Why on God's green earth would I leave my asset in his hands.  I can hope he'd do the right thing and fix it and repair it and sell it but I do not have faith that he will actually do that in a timely manner.  Also I can't just move out.  Most rental properties are running credit checks now for new tenants.  OK my credit is really really good for someone my age...probably because of the house.  BUT when a potential landlord is looking at my report he will see a MORTGAGE with a $900 monthly note.  Evidently this is a HUGE red flag for them.  Because then the look at your monthly income and say there is NO WAY this chick can pay me and keep her house out of foreclosure.  How do I know this you may ask...because I have tired.  Not numerous times but a handful and the result was the same.  I could not "explain" my way out of it.  They DENIED me!  

So my only saving grace would be to find someone renting a room OR their own house but even they can do a credit check (maybe not as detailed) if they want to because of the nature of the transaction.  How do I know this...because my family did it on the girl renting my grandmothers house...and they know their tenant...since birth!

So I am stuck...in a house...with my ex...until further notice.  I hate this!  Why am I griping about it now, you may ask.  Well because I am in a kinda serious relationship with younger guy.  I like seeing him...ALOT.  So I am not home alot lately.  I take care of my pups and I leave.  My roomie is not always there so I was going to ask him about re-vamping our 'agreement' about no house guests.  Well before I could, he came talk to me Sunday night.  He thinks I am taking advantage of him by not being there.  And that its 'obvious'  I am in a relationship.  Blah blah blah.  So I explained, I am never there bc I am not allowed guests.  He said he doesn't care if the girls come over now.  I was like that does me a little good but not really.  I tried to get him to see things from my point of view but he just couldn't do it.  He was like "well I am not looking for a relationship because its hard with us living together".  I told him I wasn't looking either and that I had sworn off men right before I met my guy...these things just happen.  We never really resolved it.  If he is not there I do not see the big deal...he doesn't even have to 'know'....just like I really don't care... just don't have some floozy in MY house while I am trying to watch TV, etc and don't touch my stuff.  NORMAL Roommate etiquette.  I guess that's all I am just very frustrated because I have a house, and I cannot have guests because I live with my Ex and have no other feasible option.  This SUCKS!

I hate being an over-thinker!

Why am I feeling insecure…it’s just not my style?!?!?!

 

Wow it's been a while huh?!  Well you see what ha happen wuz, this person in my office (possibly me haha - I don't think it was but who knows) was on a social site and the boss man/lady saw and now we can only get to a handful of websites....boooo.  So I have to remember when I get home to update yáll...I used to do it on my lunch break...oh well.

 

Anyways so I am having this weird insecurity thing going on and I don't know why. OK lets step back a sec,  this is going to sound conceded but every guy I have ever dated I have always been the new "hot" girlfriend.  Or when it came to ex's I was the "hot" ex-girlfriend.  I know I know blah blah blah.  But I guess that's just the way it went.  Well last night things kind of changed (for me anyway).

Now let me lay this out there, my boyfriend is always telling me how pretty/sexy/great I am so this thought process is irrational and should not matter but I am crazy so it happened anyways, HA.  

You see last  night we were watching SYTYCD.  Which I LOVE that show by the way.  Anyways the first couple was doing their thing and the girl is very hot/slim/perky a typical professional dancer body.  Well my man says "she has a body like my ex".  I just said, ok.  And continued wathcing TV.  But for those that know me well know that I may have looked like I was watching TV but the wheels were turning and the show was the last thing on my mind.  OK I am not a complete psycho...one comment does not make me freak.  This is like the Um-teenth comment.  And don't get me wrong...I do NOT think I am fat by any means but I am a little out of shape and have a few more curves than I used to (I'm getting older, blah blah blah).  Over the almost 4 months we have been dating we have discussed our Ex's not in too much detail but we talked about them none the less.  And from what is seems ALL of his were a size negative 4 and brunette with fake tata's (or wanting fake tata's).  Which like I said normally I could care less and am confortable in my own skin...well most of the time.  But I guess when you hear about them and their perfect like bodies so many times at some pont the barrier will break and the insecurness comes flooding out.  And let me clarify he's not comparing me to them or being mean...it's just random statements that come up due to conversation or, like last night, a TV show.  So last night, ALL effing night, all I could think about was (this is a direct quote from my brain, HA) "OMG I am the NEW chubby, flat chested, blonde girlfriend".  It's like he changed his style because he was having bad luck with that type so he went total opposite or something.....  Do not attack me, let me reiterate, I do not think I am fat but compared to a negative 4 I am a hefer at a size 2 :P.  

Again my guy is always complimenting me so this thinking is goofy but I am a girl and this kind of stuff happens.  I don't want to be the crazy girlfriend that says don't talk about your past because I talk about mine.  But I've always dated very 'normal' guys.  As in I didn't ever date the body builder/male model/movie star looking type.  Most guys I dated had good bodies...slender but muscular...but I never mention that kind of stuff.  Like I never see a guy and say "he has a body like my ex" :P.  I guess I could...maybe I should...then maybe he would think before he talks...or maybe it will backfire, he'll get really pissed and then I'll have a whole new issue because he'll think I'm still wanting my ex.  Argh!  What to do?!  I probably should say something but I am trying not to be the crazy girl... HELP!!!!

OK I am done now.  Thoughts/suggestions??????????????????

I'm so happy I could POP!

Is that even possible?!?!?!

I know I know it's been a while since I have updated you, sorry it's been a little nutsy over here!

So why am I so happy you might ask? Well it's because I have the most AMAZING boyfriend. No lie he is just awesome! We don't spend every waking moment together (that would be over kill this early on) but we see each other once or twice during the week and usually at least one day on the weekend. And every time we are together we learn something new about each other. We have so much in common its sick ;) haha. When we talk its like we've known each other for quite some time instead of just a couple months, weird....isn't it??? Plus, he gets along great with my crazy friends (that's crazy in a good way ;)) and actually likes my family...well the ones he has met. And they like him so far and have now invited him to everything, haha.

He bonded with one of my good friends this past weekend, they were each others "date" to a wedding the rest of us were in. I haven't talked to her too much about it but he had a great time and thinks my friend is super fun and funny haha. His family seems to like me also. Well the ones I've met ;) and I think they are great...very similar to mine haha. I went to dinner once at his grandparents house and they ask if I am coming every week now (I've gone a second time). His mom asked him to babysit the lil sis (she's young) and then asked if I would go too. So I played with her for a while before it was bed time. She's sweet, a lil bossy but she really doesn't have any siblings to compete with... there is a 10 year difference between her and her closest sibling (his younger bro).

*sigh* It's almost surreal, ya know. I've had good relationships before but I've never been so comfortable with someone not even my Ex, now roommate, and we were very close...well for a while. I keep waiting for the floor to fall out from under me. I know, I know stop being negative but I can't help it. Good things do NOT happen to me usually so when something seems so great, I get kind of nervous about it. I think he is scared too though, we've talked about our past relationships...he has had horrible luck with women...he's been cheated on a few times, he was engaged and she broke it off out of the blue...things like that will scar a person and well I seem to attract, socially detached or OVERLY jealous or just plain crack crazy, men.

So what I am saying is so far so good...actually so far REALLY good. Somebody pinch me! On second thought, don't do that I am liking this too much :D

Sometimes it's hard to be happy...

...when a good friend of yours is so sad!

I am on cloud nine and in what appears to be a promising relationship :) .... but... A few posts back I talked about a friend of mine whose hubby had an emotional affair...well a few weeks after I posted that it was discovered it was a FULL BLOWN affair. He slept with another woman...for 6 months! Well my friend forgave him with conditions (not sure if I could do it but I've never been in THAT position so I dunno). Things have been fairly good considering. They have good days and bad days but he seemed genuinely sorry and wanting to make things work.

Well today I spoke to her and she was crying!!! You see ever since this all happened he drinks...a good bit...on Fridays after work. But said he wanted to try and stop. Ok cool! Well he just got a new job and was sent for training out of state all this week. She called him last night to see how his day was....he was in a bar. Talking to the waitress and telling his WIFE how the waitress thought his facial hair was sexy and wanted to know if she was gonna come up there and "cut a bitch". NICE :P. Well he said they would be leaving soon and he'd give her a call later. 10:00PM rolled around and still no call so she called him so his KID could say goodnight... He was still at the bar... DRUNK! He said he couldn't hear her and he'd call her back. He never called...she called him a few times...no answer. She stayed up ALL night waiting for him to do the right thing! Never happened...

She talked to him this morning and he doesn't remember her calling at 10 OR that she called a few times and he didn't pick up. He is sorry...or so he says but she is crushed...AGAIN! She is on the verge of making the most difficult decision of her life and all he can say is sorry I effed up...again...my bad :P. I don't get it...Why is it that he got to cheat...was forgiven...and he makes no effort. He should be KISSING her butt for forgiving him...instead he got drunk and dropped off the radar for a night.

I hate seeing my friends hurt by their Husband/Wife/GF/BF... it kills me. And although she is so happy that I am happy with my boyfriend (wow that still sounds weird to me) its hard for me to accept that there are still decent guys out there when I am watching a former decent man throw his marriage away!!! Most men are PIGS I just hope we all find that one out there that still has enough morals to be a loving husband and father....

Stop Hatin' Biotch

Why can't some people just be happy for me?!

So I am still dating younger guy ;) Yay hahaha. And all my friends and the family that knows seem to be super excited for me. But I have once again attracted juvenile drama. You see he lives in the city I work in (about 40 min from where I live). So sometimes I will stay after work and hang out with him till 10 or so then head home. On weekends I stay MUCH later.

Well the past few times I informed my roomie I was not going back to the house right after work he got a lil pissy with me. Like Holy Thursday for example. I told him a few days before that I would be staying late in BR since I didn't have work on Friday. He threw a FIT. He said I had to come home and take care of the dogs bc he was working late. Ummmm OK. I was like WTF you work 10 min away...you can't leave for 30 min and go take care of them? I work 45 min away...I am not driving home and then driving back! Needless to say I got a message while at work saying, nevermind I can go to the house for a few don't worry about it.

Well Monday (two days ago) I had to work late, so I decided to stay and see my new guy. I made sure to ask Roomie if it was "ok" :P. He said yea that's fine. Well I found out that night that my guy had tix to the baseball game. So I texted roomie to tell him...he said and I quote "And? I'm working late". I was like, um I didn't know that...guess I am not going to the game. He texted back "well I was going to work late tonight but I didn't want you to miss your date so i had them move it to tomorrow :P". I was like um ok. "Well the date was actually for the game tomorrow :P". He said "not my problem I'm working late you can't go, you don't like baseball anyway". I didn't reply. But I was like WTF, do you know me?! I grew up watching my bros play ball and I love baseball! Anyways now I am pissed so I am like, NO he is not going to keep me from having fun because he is all of a sudden a jealous person. So I called my momma and she was more than happy to help me ;)

So SIDE story hahaha: I was at my guys house Monday night and he gets a phone call. Of course all I hear is his side "Oh hey! Yea I'm home. Well...well...um NOLAgurl is here. Yea no I guess that's ok. ALL OF YOU! Yea no...um...sure yea that's ok I guess. No, no I think it's ok. OK see you soon." Meanwhile he is staring at me with this "I am so sorry look". It was his mom, they were coming by to bring the baseball tix...along with his step dad and lil sis. So I met some of the fam. They were VERY nice but I was SUPER nervous. I didn't have time to mentally prepare. I found out yesterday they thought I was really nice and liked that I actually talked and laughed...but his mom said "tell her not to be so nervous next time." DOH was it that obvious, hehehe.

OK back to my rant. So I go to the game last night and it was a bit chilly. So we were all snuggled up on the bleachers. My roomie's friends were up in the bleachers above us and I guess they saw...whatever! We had fun :). Well I got home last night and Roomie was still awake... SHOCKING...and he was an ASS! He was very cold towards me like I did something terribly wrong. So me being me, I was like hey...have rough day. He grunted. So I was like oooooooooooooooooookkkkkkk. I went shower and took the pups out and went to bed. He didn't say a word (he usually says goodnight if he sees me in the hall). Ok what-ev. This morning same shtuff. Just being COLD and acting like I should feel bad. So all I can think of is he doesn't like how I've been acting. You see although I have been dating since last May after we split, I have not been in a 'relationship'. No one was worthy enough, hahaha. Anyways, lately I have been on CLOUD NINE. If I can tell, I know other people can see it and I don't think he likes it. Plus I am fairly certain he got a text or email from one of his buds about my 'date'. Oh well his loss, right...he broke up with me remember. Not that I am complaining, that was the best thing he EVER could have done for me. Ok I done ranting now :)

I have a boyfriend!

Who-da thought that would happen anytime soon?!

So yea if you haven't heard yet I am actually in a relationship of sorts. And the good thing is when he said "I really like you and was wondering if you would want to be my girlfriend..." I didn't have a spaz attack and say I wasn't ready ;) haha. I was like yea I would like that. So that's good right?!

Anyways, I am really happy. He is just a great guy. He acts like a guy (not like a sissy mommas boy :P), shows me he likes me and is just a lot of fun to be around.

He called me yesterday at work and asked if I would come over after work. I made sure my roomie would be home to let the pups out and said sure. He cooked for me... Like not a frozen pizza, he actually cooked. Nothing fancy (shake and bake pork chops and Pasta Roni) but its the thought that counts right ;) haha. His twin actually talked this time... I think he said 6 words ;). Younger guy said both of them are a little quiet around new people. So he never says anything when I am over there except calls the puppy who loves to follow me and younger guy around, hehe.

Well yesterday his twin and I were making fun of him while he was trying to cook...kinda a bonding momnet... hahaha. But that was the extent of our talking. It was fun. Of course at one point I started helping with the preperations and he was like "Hey, no, I am doing the cooking, haha" I was like my bad, its kinda a habit..have fun :D.

We hung out for a few hours and it was really nice. I hope it stays like this. I don't want to over think things but I really think we could have something pretty good. I guess we'll see :)

I am such a pessemist sometimes!

Why can't I just be happy!?!

OK so I have gone on 5 dates with younger guy and we are REALLY hitting it off. He seems to like me a lot and I definitely like him. Ya know how I know...? Because I have talked about him to my friends...I don't do that. Ask a twin...getting me to talk about my dating life is like PULLING teeth hahaha.

We talk on the phone and text quite often which texting, yea I do that a lot but I hate talking on the phone but I talk to him soooooooooooo yea.

He's smart, funny, cute, fun, motivated, good hearted, understanding...shall I go on? I know he has flaws too... like smoking (blah), not the greatest job (but he is working on that...he had TWO interviews last wed...), kinda stubborn (I have NO room to talk there haha). But anyways I really like him. But I keep waiting for him to be a nut case! What's wrong with me hahaha. I am trying to surpress it :D.

I had a big scare though last night (we hung out for a few hours after work). You see I kinda SUCK at lying. And I haven't really said anything about my living situation. I mean he knows I have a roommate and that said roommate is male. Well last night we were talking and it slipped out. I was waiting for the "I don't think I can handle that" talk. Instead I got the "I like you way too much to have something like that get in the way" talk. I was like "I know I understand its weird, I'll get my...wait what?!" He asked questions. I explained situations. And he understood. He did say I am a bigger person than him. He left EVERYTHING to his Ex...just left. I cannot do that. I have WAY too much invested in the house...plus my name is on the mortgage and it's hard to find anything else when you have something like that on your credit :P.

But he said he trusts me...which he should...but it surprised me because most men cannot get past the living with a person of the opposite sex thing, much less an EX! He also said it helps that he can tell we don't really talk (me and Ex). Me and Younger Guy talk at night before I go to bed. He said if I was hiding something that wouldn't happen. Plus he's heard us interact when he is on the phone and he said its very roommate like. AND I stay out till all hours of the night with him and no one calls looking for me. Hahaha.

*sigh* I REALLY REALLY REALLY like this guy. Even to the point that he is maybe going to meet my friends this weekend... SHOCKING I know!!! I told him if he wanted to meet up with us at a festival this weekend he could. He said he was glad I asked. He wants to meet them but he would NEVER invite himself or ask to be invited. He knows I had issues with Internet Guy and well one he's not like that and two he didn't want me to be like OMG no way. Hahaha.

So that's right chickadees if you are going on Saturday with me to said festival there is a good chance you will meet Younger Guy ;) Be nice please, hahaha