Get married they said. It will be fun they said. They forgot to mention the potential existential terror sleeping next to another person might cause.
I can't always fall asleep right away when I go to bed so I'll read or play on Imgur or something. The other night I was doing that next to my sleeping husband (mind you lights are out) when all hell broke loose.
Hubs: *out of a dead sleep whisper yelling* NOLA GURL!!!! *hitting my thigh*
Me: What?!?!?!! What's wrong?!!?
Hubs: Something is above your iPad.....
Me: I beg your finest pardon?!?!?!!?
Hubs: It's....on the ceiling
Me: *panicking but thinking ok he's asleep* I don't see anything
Hubs: *grabs my hand in an almost painful grip* *eyes WIDE open*
Me: *about to stroke out*
Hubs: I think it's growling at me
Me: I'm sorry its what.....????????????????
Hubs: Its like growling talking
Me: WHAT?!?!?! *about to $hit the bed*
Hubs: *in a tiny voice* It says its gonna grab me and throw me over there! *points to closet*
Me: Alexa LUMOS!!!!!
Blinding lights come on. I am sitting up. The dogs are looking at me like I've LOST MY MIND. Nothing is on the ceiling. Hubs goes "Oh well it's gone". Rolls over...AND GOES BACK TO SLEEP!!!!!!!
Cool cool cool you get some rest while I stare into the dark and hope the dark isn't staring back......
Note - He had not been drinking and doesn't take drugs...nor was he on anything like Ambien....
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