Such an angry little weiner

Why are the smallest dogs the most aggressive?!?!?

I've run across all varieties of dogs.  But by far the most insane are usually less than 10 lbs!!!!!!

I was riding my bike singing (in my head) and just enjoying the lovely evening when suddenly some black streak of nothing comes running at me from the other side of the street.  It was jerked back by the lead and stood barking from the tire of SUV parked across the street. 

I "eeped" and then busted out laughing.  It was a TEENY TINY dachshund.  

He was barking his head off but couldn't get to me because he was tethered.  There were two guys working on another vehicle in the driveway cracking up laughing. 

I continued my ride, I still had more than halfway to go!  As I was making my way back home I forgot about the 10 lb terror.  

This time as I was coming back I happened to be on the same side of the street as him.  As I passed he ran out and stopped CENTIMETERS from my tire.  I literally screamed.  Like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, scream queen SCREAMED.

Then giggled like a maniac because it was a itty bitty ankle biter but he was tethered.  His owner(s) were making fun of him.  When suddenly that clever mother f**ker shimmied out of his f**king harness.  My giggles turned to "oh $hit!" as I pedaled away with a tiny terrorist hot on my wheel.  

Meanwhile the owner who is probably in his mid fifties and while fit-ish, had a beer belly came RUNNING after us screaming "get back here you @$$hole *derogatory term for short people*!!!".  Then "Don't stop, he might actually bite!!!"

So I kicked it into high gear trying to make sure I didn't run over my new little fiend.  

Popcorn+Wine for dinner = Dead people (?) and a Tsunami

The 1st thing I remember is it was night time.  Like 8 or 9 PM.  I was in my little Mazda and was going to deliver sorted cards to my "new" contact at public safety.  But I was bringing them to his house.  He lived in an apartment building.  I was driving around what looked like Uptown New Orleans looking for this "complex".  It had a horseshoe driveway and looked almost like Notre Dame Seminary on Carrolton. At some point I remember thinking I should call him and make sure he's home (LOL what?!?!).

There were a TON of cars in various states of disrepair so no parking.  I found a spot on this weird stretch of Neutral ground where others were parking.  I couldn't find the apartment, 8-XXX.  I can't remember the rest of the number now but I remember the 8.  I realized as I was walking around the 8 was the building number and I was parked in front of Building 4.  

There were people EVERYWHERE but they weren't paying attention to me.  They were all very...dark.  I don't know how to explain it.  Like they weren't all dark skinned...just like in shadow and gave me the heebies.  I headed back to my car to get the cards and the dream shifted to a memory.  But a "Dream" memory.  

In the memory, I was going to my "old" contact's townhouse to drop off the sorted cards.  She lived with her husband and I missed her dearly.  She passed away (she has passed away in reality).  I was in her townhouse. It was very 80's with the brown tones and wood paneling.  She gave me the biggest hug and told me she always looked forward to my visits. She had dinner for us to enjoy together but her husband wasn't home yet.  There was lots of chatting and laughing.  It felt so good to be with her.

Then I was back at my car getting the GARBAGE bag out (in reality it would have been very organized boxes).  Some people I knew saw me and said they would walk with me to building 8 since they were going to a party at building 15.  The girl didn't want me going by myself...she was very worried about me being alone with all these people out.  The bag was heavy but we were making our way around.  These people were like in a trance moving around almost in a daze...and like I said, shadowed.  We were "bright".  The shadowed people didn't move out of the way.  It was like they didn't really see us.  I really felt like we didn't belong and I knew if I touched one it would be bad. 

Then I was back in my car driving around New Orleans in the early morning but like an exaggerated, weird AF version of the streets.  Things looped around to nowhere.  If you weren't careful you ended up on a bridge that went (?) to I don't know where but I was terrified of going over it.  It was really tall and the otherside was dark as heck. 

I was on what I think was Tchoupitoulas Street but it had a "street car" and was even more narrow than it actually is.  I went through a tunnel (WTF) and my GPS was like "Nah B may a u-ey".  But the U-turn took me back into the tunnel and there were tracks for the street car and I didn't think I was supposed to go in there.  So I was waiting outside of it and I saw a light and was like "I knew it, there is a train".  Seriously what is happening?!?!? People already in the tunnel moved to the side of the walls (WTF) and the "train" shot out of the tunnel but it was a model train like the ones my brother used to have. 

It jumped again and I was bringing breakfast to to my work bestie's house.  The "new" contact from Public Safety was with me and another guy that was shortish, fit, older with white hair and a white beard.  My bestie lived in an attached house....like it was a house attached to another house....  He answered the door in jeans and an undershirt.  It was like 7AM or something.  I was like sorry for the early hour but we have brekkie. 

He was grumpy and said he needed coffee but let us in.  He swiped his hand dramatically over his head and eyes (he is lacking in the hair dept) and glared at the two men behind me.  He said his family had already left for the day.  It was a tiny kitchen with a table in the middle to fit 5, like short rectangle.  But it had a lot of stuff on it.  It reminded me of the table at my grandparents house...ALWAYS covered in crap.  

We sat down to eat and before I could cook the chicken bites one of the other guys put a piece of raw chicken on bread and ate it (AHHHHHHH!).  Anyways, I grabbed the rest and popped it in the oven.  

It jumped again and the table was gone and there was a mattress in the middle of the kitchen and an old small box TV on a stand.  Bestie was like "I sleep in here sometimes" (WUT?!?!?).  I was sitting on the counter and felt the sink move.....so I moved over because the sink was detaching from the counter. Dude with the white beard went to use the sink and I said "be careful his house is breaking".

I somehow fell asleep in the dream and woke up snuggled with "new" contact and when we woke up we jumped apart like whoa whoa WTF?!?!  Bestie was FUMING.  He was like "don't touch her!".  And pulled me off the counter.  Then we realized we were late for something and left.   

We were standing outside his front door when we heard sirens.  It was a Tsunami warning (WHAT?!!?).  When I looked up, I could see the pacific ocean about a mile away and a HUGE wave coming at us.  We started running for higher ground and as I was running up this HUGE hill I thought "we don't have hills in NOLA!!!".   As I looked back at the wave coming at us I realized we weren't high enough.  It was on land now and I could see people in the distance being flung off their safe perches by the water.  

We turned right and there was a STEEP grass covered bigger "hill" going higher so we booked it up that hill.  All four of us were together.  We collapsed at the top as the wave surged below us.  I was leaning against a rock or something next to bestie and he was looking away.  We were celebrating that we made it but I noticed he wouldn't look at me.  I said his name and he looked at me with red rimmed eyes, tears covering the blue and spilling down.  And I realized his home was down there and said "Oh _____ I am so sorry" and I tried to give him a hug but he said "No, don't...you can't hug me when I am like this".  So I placed my hand on his arm and he broke down crying and then fell into me.  So I hugged him and said "Shhh, its ok. Its going to be ok.  They are ok.".  I looked at my phone (which was like an old school silver panasonic with a keypad and a small screen) to make a call and realized I didn't have service.  

No, not the sexy kind, I’m just weird

I can’t tell peeps they were in my dreams because they always think “brown chicken brown cow” and it’s more like “nah B you were having an in person meeting in my bathroom.”

So we were in like an old NOLA raised house.  Like one side of a double.  I’m not sure whose house I imagined but you went up about 6 steps to the front door.  Once inside there was a living room, a rather large living room that lead into an eating/dining are.  There were double doors that lead into a decent sized kitchen.  Off the living room to the right was a little hallway.  As you turned the middle door facing the living room was the bathroom.  On either side was a bedroom.  

Now it wasn’t really furnished from what I remember.  There was a sofa, chair, coffee table, TV stand and TV. The dining area didn’t have a table.  

It was me and my husband in the living room waiting for someone or a few someones.  Hubs was sick (which he actually is at the moment).  My coworker bestie walked in with his brief case.  He’s kinda short so with heels on I am at eye level with him.  He was like “XYZ will be here in a few minutes.”  Another coworker….we’ll call him frat boy bc he reminds me of a frat boy and he shares a name with my little brother.  Anyways he shows up but like I can’t see him clearly, I just know he is there.  Hubs was in his work gear and was like I gotta run and left. 

An older woman with short gray hair and a flower dress walks in.  She was kind of tiny but I remember she had kind eyes.  Bestie leads her to my bathroom where there is now a Desk and two chairs (WTF?!?). We sit and he starts this meeting.  It was going really well.  As we are talking I get a tickle in my throat and excuse myself.  I go through the double doors into a dark kitchen to cough.  

JI didn’t want to interrupt his sales pitch so I just hung out for a sec.  But then I was like “Crap I gotta pee” and then “Ugh he’s in the bathroom!”. I even remember thinking in the dream “why is he meeting with her in my bathroom?!?!?”

It jumped ahead and we went into the backyard where there was a fairly large pool, pool house, deck, and a decent green swatch of yard over to the right. I don’t know why we vacated to the pool house after she left but it was me, bestie, and a friend of mine.  But I can’t remember who just she was about my size and a friend.  She had a blanket on top of her head and wrapped around her. We recapped the meeting saying it went well etc.  

We walked back out to the yard/pool area and my dad had arrived with my grandmother (deceased) and my godmother. They were sitting at a black wrought iron table.  We started talking and my bestie started walking around the pool.  I went to kiss everyone hello and my Godmother stopped me and was like “I’m not feeling well”.  I was laying on the ground in the sun with my friend in the blanket.  I remember I did something and she said “I said stop” and then leaned over and kissed me on my forehead.  

I was talking with my dad when bestie walked up and I was like “hey bestie, this is my dad, grandmother, and godmother.” He seemed a little nervous but was very nice.  I asked if he was getting his steps in, because we are doing a step challenge at work.  Like we literally are right now hahaha.  He said yes and he didn’t want to intrude on my family time.  I said never, you are basically family at this point.  My dad mentioned lunch.  My grandmother got excited and said “Mandinas!  I haven’t been there in years!”  

Which I mean if we are being real…is true since she passed in 2019.  Bestie was a little sweaty from getting his steps and it being effing NOLA and 8 millions degrees out.  I reached up and grabbed besties hand to help me up.   

Then he held onto my hand (like in a platonic way…like when I hold my girlfriends hands), leaned over, and was like “are you sure it’s ok for me to come to lunch???”   And my grandmother gave him this look like “don’t be stupid” and started clapping and said “yes!  I am so excited for lunch!”

I was wrestling a velociraptor

Surprise surprise, I got injured. So I somehow have "tennis" elbow.  

1. I do not play tennis

2. I do not lift weights

3. Whhhhyyyy

About a month and a half ago I noticed it hurt when I picked up my yeti.  The heck?!?!

At first I thought I was imagining it but it got worse and worse.  So I googled it and DAMMIT it's totally "tennis" elbow.  I got an arm band thingy with the "knob" that pushes into your arm.  It's hard to explain but if you google tennis elbow treatment, you'll see one.  

It helped a lot, along with not using my arm...which is difficult because I AM RIGHT HANDED!!!

But I still didn't know what I did.  After some reflection....I realized...I injured myself by OVER USING my arm while using my new Steam Cleaner.  OMG I am so old....

Of all the stupid ways to get hurt. I am NOT telling people this!!!!!

Well It got better so about a week ago...I used it again.  Ya know...the cleaner.  OW!!!!!!!!!!  

I am back in pain.  Can't use my arm...much.  And now I have a SLEEVE.  Like one of those old people copper compression things.  

Well with the sleeve its WAY more noticeable so people are like OMG what happened?!?  

And I don't want to be like "I got a little too aggressive cleaning" but like what am I supposed to say.  

People are trying to guess.  So far

"OMG did you fall off your bike?!?!"

"Too much 3rd Base with the hubs?"

"Which dog is an @$$hole??"

"Sleep wrong?"

"How drunk were you.....?"

"Wait do you play tennis??"

"5lb weights were too much weren't they?"

Alas, nothing so interesting...so I've started coming up with ridiculous things.  

"I joined a trapeze group."

"Too many one armed pull-ups"

"Arm wrestled a kangaroo"

"Water Ballet with Alligators"

"Aliens"

"This one time at band camp..."

You get the picture.  I told my cousin the real reason and she's made fun of me for the last week.