Feeling really really bad now...

Ever had your eyes opened suddenly?

So the holidays have been rough. Fun but rough. I realized today that I may have screwed up... You see Internet guy really really really wanted to meet my family and friends for xmas and I said flat out no. Mainly because many of my distant fam doesn't know about me and my ex and that would have been WEIRD for us both plus my friends...they are VERY protective of me and I wasn't sure how'd they react. And thats a HUGE step for me. My family and friends are everything to me. I don't just bring guys to meet them. Well it caused a HUGE fight. And I was so mad at how he talked to me and told me I didn't care. Plus I felt like he just didn't get it. SO I gave a little and said he could meet two of my girls xmas night if we did something. He took that as drive to the area and wait for me... then get mad when I don't call. Well Christmas night was the last straw for me. He fussed at me and told me I was inconsiderate and then hung up. Well I was PMSing and pissed so when he called back I didn't answer.

Flash forward to today (Dec 27). I read a survey on social networking site and realized I was overly bitchy. I really hurt him and was completely insensitive to that. I really wasn't trying to be but I was. And I pride myself on knowing what to say and reading people and this time I was totally off!

All he wanted was my attention, thats it. He wasn't trying to force himself into my family and friends (although thats what it seemed like to me) and just wanted me to give a little and I am so keen on being independent I shut him out and obviously sent mixed signals. Now I still stick to my list of needs from a man but today I realized he will meet more of them than I let on and I was just trying to justify not being with him. I talked to him today and feel awful. I don't want a relationship, I think he knows that but I like him... ALOT more than I thought. I don't want him out of my life, I thought I did but I don't. I think my problem is see things progressing and I am scared. I can see us together and I am freaking out. I pushed him to act this way by being selfish.... which honestly I am entitled to after the last 5 years but he doesn't deserve the brunt of my excess baggage, right? So we talked on the phone today for just a few minutes while he was at work and I apologized for dragging him into this and he apologized for over-reacting. Not a great conversation but an OK one.

I still think he has alot to do before I could ever consider him my boyfriend... like deciding what he wants to do with his life, growing up and moving out. Oh yea and that whole mistrust thing. But I have alot to do too. I have to not treat him like he will crush me and screw up like my ex, make progress with getting out of my house and realize I will never be happy in another relationship until I get over my fear of men.

I think I am done now, I need to stop crying before I go out with my girls later. *sigh* I really hate drama and this time I caused it...!!!!!!!

**EDIT - 12/29/08 - Ok so we talked ALOT right after I wrote this and last night. He annoyed the S**T out of my right after but last night we were cool. He says I have a lot to do to make it up to him. I pretty much said what you see is what you get, deal with it. And I think we are cool. I'm not going to be with him, nor do I want to although we mesh really well. I guess we'll see what happens and who comes along in the mean time ;). K going back to work now :D

I think I'm losing patience in my 'old' age... :P

Is it true that the sheer act of having a penis makes you less intelligent?!?

I think it is true, personally!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay I guess I have to explain.

Last Friday I went to this Christmas party thing with a girl friend of mine. Well the guy from 1st, 1st Date in 4.5 years entry (aka, bad kisser) was there. I've seen him around here and there and we are cool. We had the lets be friends talk, like 2 months ago and everything has been fine since then.

Yea well evidently his "lil brain" overtook his brain and he forgot about that on Friday. You couldn't peel him off me with the jaws of life. I mean everywhere I turned he was right there. There was zero concern for personal space! Well about half way through the night he decides he is going to pick me up off of the ground. There is an action shot of it...he gets real close and I am thinking ok picture time, then he picks me up, like 3 feet off the ground :P I was not happy. Wait it gets better, he does it at least two more times throughout the night. The last time he did it I believe my exact words were "put me down M____ F____ or I will make it so you walk funny for a week!" Or something along those lines :P Not to long after that last incident we left.

But that wasn't the only thing. He kept getting really close to my face and hanging on me. Finally after worming my way away from him for the upteenth time I started poking and punching him in the gut. It didn't work. He started trying to tickle me (which I can hold that in quite well most of the time so he stopped fairly quickly)! Then he started tickeling my friend....WTF!?! It was a nightmare. THEN I am sitting on a bar stool (about 5 or so minutes after he picked me up the last time) and I feel hands on my waist...but not just on me...UNDER MY SHIRT! I almost died. I looked at my girl friend and was like, there are hands under my shirt...she was almost speechless. Soooo we left. Wait it gets better.

I got 6 texts the next day, one asking what I was up to on Sunday (I never replied). THEN I get this via social networking site:

"Okay, I was thinking about Friday night and why NOLAGurl was hitting me the entire night. And this is what I came up with. Back in the caveman days, they use to show their interest in the other person by hitting them because that was the only way they could communicate. And as the night went on and the bottles of alcohol were being consumed, the hitting continued even more which is another sign of the truth. Drunks, not saying you were drunk but drunks tend to tell the truth when the have been drinking.
So, what do u say to that? LOL"

I was going to reply with "Aw thats cute wishful thinking" but instead (I was in a horrible mood last night) I replied with "Actually where I come from hitting/punching usually means someone is pissed off because you are in their personal space and they want you to move. Also I was un-aware that the new adult way to let a girl know you like her is to repeatedly pick her up, even after she politely asks you to stop."

He didn't get the hint. I got a Voicemail this morning saying "Hey its ____ just wanted to say good morning!" OMG really?!? Ok I am outta ammo, any suggestions?

I hate mechanics!

Do I have DUMB BLONDE tattooed on my forehead?!?

The answer is NO! OK so Friday (yes the day AFTER Thanksgiving) I went to get a new tire. You see the other day I noticed it was low and filled it up. By Friday morning it was low again, oh joy :P. So I took the tire off and saw it was REALLY REALLY worn. I put it back on and took off the other back tire (I figured if one is worn so is the other and I'll need two). Much to my surprise it looked almost brand new! So I call around in the small burb I live in to see who had my tire. My usual mechanic couldn't get it in until Tuesday (can't do that). NO PLACE had my freaking tire in stock!!!! Well except this one national tire chain place. Fine, whatever, I'll go there.

I tell the guy I need 1 tire and an alignment. The guy tells me it'll be an hour. Ok yay, whatever I have a book. TWO hours later I get my car back. I was so glad to leave bc the football game was about to start and I wanted to see it, plus I was STARVING!!! Well I am driving down the highway and I notice something funny...my steering wheel is CROOKED!!!!! Like not just slightly pulling to the left like it was before, it was off by about 20 degrees. WTF, it was NOT doing that when I brought it in!!! I was pissed! Well I was almost to this chicken place, so I got lunch and headed back to the idiots to get it fixed.

They see me walk in and are like "Uh oh". I tell them whats up in the calmest tone I could sum up. The guy says "Did Shawn or Duckie work on her car" I was like I dont give a flying F--K who did it, fix it. Well they decide it was Duckie. I almost DIED when he walked out. He had on 4 inch thick glasses and was cross eyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok I am all about equal employment oppertunity but SERIOUSLY, he was doing an ALINGMENT, how can you align my wheels if you are cross eyed?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Well normally I am quite tight lipped but I couldn't bite my tongue. I was like, "No! No way, I want someone ELSE to fix it, sorry." I caused such a fuss they said "OKAY"

Another HOUR goes by (I missed most of the 1st half of the game :P) and Duckie comes and brings me my keys and apologizes. I was like, really, whatever. So I took off. It seemed to be fine, but I knew the true test would be the interstate.

Later that night I was booking it doing 60-65 MPH down the interstate, the car was jerking to the left (never did that before). It was only 7:30 and I knew they closed at 8:00. I called and went off. I was like "Um you might remember me...." And I went through ALL that happened earlier. They guy didn't know what to say but bring it back in the morning. I talked to my friends husband and he said this place is BAD NEWS. They Eff up cars all the time, I should never go there again (awesome, wish I woulda known that before).

FLASH FORWARD to Saturday at 7AM, they have no POWER! Can my luck get any better????????? Bring the car back finally :P, aw shucks duckie wasn't there. Well they fix it in like 20 min. YAY!!! After I know the car is ok. I caused a scene. I demanded a refund and promised to write an awful review. They said but I got a tire and an alignment. I said I will happily pay for the tire but there is NO WAY in hell I am paying for the alignment. They tried to argue, then I started talking about how I heard about their poor business practices when it comes to changing oil, fixing alignments, etc. Well since I was causing yet another scene in-front of other customers they gave me a refund to shut me up. HAHAHAHA :P And of course as I was leaving I said they lost a good customer and that I would make sure no one I knew came in there ever again, then I recommend the same to people staring at me as I left. Hey I can be a 'B' when I need to be!

So I am pretty sure they hate me, but I don't care. They effed up my lil car, you don't mess with me or my car.