I think my dogs like to see how far they can push me before I lose my mind!

So since our weather down here has ranged from Antarctica minus 10 degrees to Raining on the Surface of the Sun in a matter of days I decided some outside time with my pups was in order.  On Saturday I let them outside and decided it was time for a bath.  My pups don't get frequent baths.  They are inside dogs and bathing them inside is a NIGHTMARE.  So they usually only get baths outside, when its warm(er), unless they roll in feline poop, opossum poop, armadillo poop, raccoon poop, dead squirrel, etc.  I think you get the idea. 

I got all their bath supplies ready and set to work.  My old man first.  He tried to act cold, I felt awful he was shivering.  But then I realized he only did it when I was looking at him.  That lil bastard!  He's faking it.  Talk about a dog too smart for his own good.  So I bathed him and dried him as best I could with him being all "yay I am CLEAN" and grabbed Convict.  Now mind you I can't let them inside until I go inside because they will get on the couches, beds, anything they can find and rub their wet dog selves all over them.  So old man was still outside.  I started soaping up convict which elicited a series of complaints from him.  "Mooooom, stop...is that oatmeal bath?!?! No no no, I need my stink!  I don't care if I have flaky skin...Staaaaahp!!!!!" While I was rinsing my hands I turned to check on old man who was in the process of getting really low to the ground (grass/mud), i.e. he is about to go into the dog equivalent of the alligator death roll, "Noooooooo! Don't you dare!" He froze, and thankfully just stood at the door waiting impatiently.  I swear he rolled his eyes.  WTH, can dogs even do that???  I turned around to rinse off Convict.  He is no where to be found.  Crap!   So I quickly checked the yard, no sign of him...he is gone.  Dammit!!!

I sprinted out the side gate and started hollering for him.  "Convict...here boy...Convict...dammit dog where are you.  He ALWAYS goes in the same direction so I chanced it and jogged that way, all the while whistling and calling for him.  When I was about 1/2 way down the block I saw him a few houses down.  One of my neighbors was outside watching me, he looked confused, apparently he hadn't seen the soapy mutt running down the street peeing on everything he saw.  When I finally caught up to him, he was hanging with a neighbor who happened to be washing his car.  As calmly as I could I said "come here" and pointed to the ground next to me.  He put his head and tail down and walked over.  My neighbor laughed.  I apologized and said "go home" and he started heading that way.  I waved to my neighbors and followed.  Seriously dog, you ran away from me because I had a hose and ran to a stranger who had a hose.  You make no sense!

We ran all the way back home and into the back yard.  As we walked in Old Man was just starting to rub the side of his face on the ground, "Nooooooooooo! no no no no, you evil dog, stop it!" He stopped and stared at me with his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth but not before his face was covered in mud on one side *sigh*.  I rinsed off Convict all the while fussing, then rewashed Old Man's face.  I dried both of them and let them in. 

I planned on super cleaning my house afterwards but all I wanted to do was take a nap after that ordeal.  Damn dogs!

I had a dream about my exboyfriend's deceased dog

Does that make me weird???

I know my blog has been a dream diary lately but these are too odd not to share.

So I was living in a dorm/apartment building but it was in today's world not years ago when I was in college, so I was married and had my animals and current life, sort of.  The living quarters were very 70's style.  Not well lighted (actually I remember the lights flickering in the hallways), looked almost run down and had yellowy hues and old furniture in the common areas.  My apartment though was very modern and bright.  It didn't look like any place I've lived before but it felt like home and inside were my two dogs plus the one I am watching for a family member right now.  What was weird is my life wasn't the same.  It was almost like something bad had happened causing humans to move into closer quarters.  I honestly don't know what it was so I don't want to say Zombie Apocalypse but it was something catastrophic.

My "job" was to contact lists of people to check if they were okay and see if they could make the trek to whatever safe area I was in.  My husband was out with a patrol so he wasn't in the dream so to say but he existed.  At one point after I was done with my shift, I was going to take a shower in the "communal" bathrooms.  But they were like individual bathrooms just in the hallway...not your typical shower stalls like in a dorm.  I was walking to said shower when I ran into a guy I dated back in college (not the owner of the deceased dog), he was wearing a wife beater and jeans.  But he looked different.  It was him in my dream but it looked NOTHING like him.  He was still tall with olive skin coloring and dark hair BUT he was significantly more muscular and looked to be of Asian descent.  To say the least he was much hotter...not that my ex wasn't attractive but this guy was just dripping sexy. We said our greetings and I went in the bathroom.  While I was enjoying my lukewarm shower with yellowish water (ewwww), I heard a noise.  When I opened my eyes the ex I saw in the hallway was butt ass nekkid in the shower with me. WTF?!?  My thoughts were, "Um sorry buddy you misunderstood my hello in the hallway, I am taken and you CANNOT have me".  What I said was GTFO!!! Then he was embarrassed but said, "society is different now, who is to say your man even comes back".  I was still like GTFO, which thankfully he did, albeit a bit reluctantly.  I finished my now freezing shower and headed back to my apartment.

As I let myself into my humble abode my fur babies came running to greet me.  But there were four...wait I only have 3 dogs living with me.  The fourth one was my ex's dog who passed away YEARS ago.  Back in the day, she was my princess, a beautiful white pit with random black spots and one big black Patch over one eye.   I fell to my knees.  I was so happy but I was saying over and over, "this is impossible...you died, I know you died".  But she was just jumping and happy and licking me along with my dogs.  They were all just super excited.  As I walked further into my living quarters, I noticed someone was in my spare bedroom sleeping.  I flicked on the hallway light and realized it was my ex and his wife.  He looked at me still half out of it and said "thanks for the call, we are safe" and went back to sleep.  I stood there with my jaw on the floor, wondering how/why/what...and then I just accepted it and took the dogs for a walk.

It was a gorgeous day.  The sun was blazing in a blue sky and the temp was comfortable.  But there were no sounds of city life.  No vehicles or what we know as normal sounds of human life.  Not here, all you could hear were the sounds of nature and people.  People in the sense of voices and laughter, not machinery.  Let me tell you four excited medium dogs on leashes and little me is not something I'd like to do in real life.  In my dream they were dragging me all over the compound.  Apparently the safe zone had a pool.  We made our way over there and the four dogs decided to go for a swim (without my permission), which pissed off one guy (a real asshole) but everyone else was just like, "aw".  I was fully clothed and soaked.  I remember thinking, "well I'm going to need another shower" as I tried to heard my pack of dogs from the pool.    The asshole who looked like GI Joe on steroids tried to hurt me. I guess during whatever crisis this was tensions were high, and well my princess went after him.  Which she would have totally done in real life, you don't mess with her 'momma'.  He got even angrier so we decided to leave.

The dream ended very abruptly...we were just walking back to my apartment all happy and wet.  Maybe one of my fur babies woke me up, who knows. 


*UPDATE* After thinking about my response to my dream I think yes its weird that I dreamed about my ex's deceased dog...what I think its even more strange is that it is the part of the dream I see to be focused on.  Not the clear signs of a post apocalyptic society, not my sex dripping ex trying to have naughty time in the shower with me, not my other ex finding safety for himself and his wife in my residence, not an asshole trying to hurt me.  Nope, what do I focus on, I focus on the deceased dog.  I clearly have my priorities in order. 

I looked like Farrah Fawcett, if she were a boy!

Its official I have the absolute WEIRDEST dreams.  Ya know I thought only the bride had nightmares about her wedding but apparently her bridesmaids have them also.  Maybe its because she is one of my dear friends and I want her day to be perfect or maybe I am absolutely terrified of her temper and don't want to be targeted.  More than likely I drank too much Coke before bed and it fricasseed my circuits. Either way my brain was out of control last night.

So in the dream we were at a day spa.  We were all getting the royal treatment.  Which is hilarious because there is no way in real life I would spend $300 on just myself to be pampered.  Maybe $100 for a couple services but no more than that.  But the spa was weird.  It was very dark and everything had a yellow glow.  Like we were in constant candle light...in a dungeon.  There was an echo and it was damp.  I seriously felt like I was in some sort of hell.  And the services were completed like an assembly line.  The first comparison I thought of when I woke up was near the end of the Wizard of Oz when they get to Oz and they are being fixed up to see the Wizard. 

I was 4th to go, so three peeps were before and after me.  We got to the "blow out" part of it.  This is where they are going to wash and STYLE my hair for the evening (we were going to dinner and dancing after).  The person was really flighty.  He almost couldn't focus long enough to complete a sentence and seemed high.  Remember I was getting other services done so I didn't see the 3 girls that went before me or said psycho until I was in the chair.  The guy was a character I had apparently seen on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D earlier in the evening (Russo).  He was ranting animatedly about nothing.  It was super annoying.  Then as he was styling, he took out some scissors and said I needed some dead ends trimmed.  I argued that I had a hair appointment coming up and didn't need him to.  But he insisted it was part of the package and the other girls had it done.  Okay...but just a trim.  Which is how it started...until he mistakenly snipped a large chunk in the back.  I felt it...my hair is past the Middle of my back.  He said it was easily fixable no worries.  It happened so fast that by the time I started to protest and went a little bat-shit crazy I had a long layered feathered look...ya know like the famous Charlie's Angels look. But not as clean looking...it was VERY choppy and frizzy.

He insisted it was the "new vintage", WTF does that even mean?!?!  I was frantically trying to see how to put this montrosuty in a bun since that's how I have to wear my hair for said wedding...I looked like a chihuahua on espresso with a bad perm who had a bad case of static electricity.  It was AWFUL.  But on a happy note, since said psycho hairdresser royally screwed up, I insisted that I wasn't paying full price for this BS and demanded hair extensions to make it better (I was channeling the bride, apparently).

What's really funny is my outburst backed up the assembly line and the 3 after me were like, its not THAT bad, really.  You look trendy.  *with my best bitch face on* Uh yea no!  Then I woke up. 

I seriously looked like a tomboy version of Farrah Fawcett...it was scarring.