Survival of the...fitest...?

How are we all going to make it through what's going on in our economy?

As I am sure you have noticed the price of everything has gone up. The same grocery items that used to total $70 are now well over a hundred and thats with me buying Generic brands. It's getting scary.

So what prompted this rant besides my rising grocery bill? Well lets just say I got a double whammy today. We found out this morning that our Health Insurance was going up. Oh yay again. Well we were told it is going up $30 per pay check bringing our employee portion to $100 per pay check...$200 per month...OUCH! It was presented really crappy to us also so everyone was pretty miffed. Well we gripped about it but no one really seemed to care except our VP. She went in there and tore them a new one. She made sure they understood why everyone was so ticked off. $30 per paycheck seems like small potatoes but when you haven't gotten a cost of living raise in 3 years that hurts like a MF.

They said they are going to have another meeting and explain it better, which is fine BUT that still doesn't help us any. I know we are a small company but holy crap I was struggling to make ends meet before, this DOES NOT help. My VP pulled me aside to talk and asked me what she could do to help me (I was borderline anxiety attack). All I could tell her was money. There is nothing else she can do for me except get me a raise. The cost of everything has gone up gas, food, insurance, clothes, etc etc etc. She said she knows and if she could she would get me a huge raise but the company is feeling it also. I told her I know. I know that if I am feeling this pain the company is feeling it in some way also, I am not dumb, I know businesses are not immune from this insanity but if I cannot afford to eat or buy food what good am I to the company.

Well after we finished talking I went back to my desk and got an email with my electric bill in it. I almost screamed!!! My bill was over $200. My bill has NEVER been over $100 and that was running the AC all day during the summer when my mom lived with me. I was flipping out. I thought surely that is wrong, they must have miss read the meter (which has happened before). As I scanned the bill I realized it was not. My Energy charges for the month were $87 (normal summer bill), but there was this other charge...a FUEL SURCHARGE. Okay I am not dumb I know its been there but it has always been minimal. It was $124!!!!!!!!! That is 1.5 times as much as my actual Energy usage. Are you freaking kidding me??? That is not fair! It is a flat rate charged to everyone. Personally I think it should be based on a percentage of your Energy usage so that those that are NOT mindful of wasting electricity get more of a charge and people like me don't get slammed!

So I turned about 50 shades of red before I got up to walk it off. One of my co-workers thought I was about to lose it, which she was right, that was the freakin' cherry on top of my crappy day. But somehow I managed to contain it until quitting time. But when I got in my car to start driving home, I let it all out. It wasn't a full on anxiety attack but had I not let out that pent up frustration it would have been worse the next day or in a few days when something small might trigger it off.

I just don't know where to cut corners. I live on a budget. I only buy basic food products, I don't party it up every single weekend, I don't speed and I take care of my car to get good gas mileage and I have a part time job to help make up the difference. Please tell me what else I can do, well besides moving back in with mom and dad or getting a Suga Daddy. *sigh*

Guys are Weird!!!!!!!

Seriously how can you have 'feelings' for someone you JUST met?!?!?!?

So after being badgered by Pops (guy from a previous post), I finally agreed to meet him for a drink after work Friday. Just like I expected he is probably one of the nicest people in the world and he's kinda cute. So what's the problem(s)... I know this seems extremely superficial BUT the first problem happened when he stood up. I think he MIGHT be 5'3", might be. And since I am only about 5'1" and had on 3 inch heels, as usual, I was a tad taller. So, yea, I was kinda turned off by that, but I gave him a chance. We talked and stuff and it was fun-ish, but I could tell he was completely smitten with me. Like gazing at me, which made me extraordinarily uncomfortable. I found out a-lot about his daughter and him. Here is the best part about the night (well funniest), the place we were at was packed. There was this group standing by the bar, we were at a table. There was this HOTT guy with that group. He caught my eye once when Pops got up to go get me a drink. Holy crap he kept flirting with me everytime I turned. OK let me tell ya, he was about 5"11", skinny but muscular, blondish brown hair and slightly tan, oh yea did I mention the Crystal blue eyes!!! I was like "GD, I really want to go talk to him." But at the same time I do not want to crush this sweet, sensitive guy I am having drinks with. What to do. I was hoping pops would go to the restroom and I would have my little window to make my move. NOPE, he did not leave me out of his sight...RED FLAG RED FLAG. I went to the bathroom and the hottie started to follow, but Pops grabbed my arm and said I'll be waiting. DOH! Hottie did not follow, crap.

So after a while I was getting annoyed with the clingy-ness pops was having with me so I told him I had to go take car of my sick dog, which is not entirely a lie, I really did, but not for another hour.

The second problem, well besides being holy crap clingy, I get home and I get this text that says "NOLA Gurl I think you are so adorable", followed by "OMG I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight thinking of you." Followed by "You have no idea of the effect you have on me, but hopefully someday you will,." Wait there's more. Next I got "NOLA Gurl why you delete my comment I sent you today." (He left me this intimate comment on social network site, WE DO NOT KNOW EACH OTHER, so I deleted it). Followed by "Hmmmm now you have me wondering again."

I responded to the first by saying "Thanks, your very sweet." I stopped after that bc they were getting ridiculous! The next morning I woke up to the last two, I responded "Chill por favor" to which he replied, ""mmmmmmk. I just asking. Did I cause a problem with your ex?" What the hell!!!!!!!!! So I replied "Huh? NO! You don't really know me please stop with all the intimate messages." So he called, seriously I cannot deal with this.

Anyways, I just don't get the attachment. Yes I am a nice girl and fun but how can you justify/rationalize falling for someone like *poof*! Like I said I stopped responding.

Flash forward to today:
I am at work and I start getting IM's that say the following talking about relationships (its a little long, my responses are in purple):

Pops	NOLAGurl	no need to rush tho
NOLAGurl	Pops	Um Ive never rushed, dont think Ill start
Pops	NOLAGurl	?
Pops	NOLAGurl	whats that mean ?
NOLAGurl	Pops	I dont rush things, its not smart. I come from a divorced family and have friends my age that are already divorced...I do not rush
Pops	NOLAGurl	TRUST ME I KNOW
Pops	NOLAGurl	im still working on the second date with you :P and it took a month just to meet ya
Pops	NOLAGurl	maybe next month ~sigh~
Pops	NOLAGurl	YA KNOW
NOLAGurl	Pops	?
Pops	NOLAGurl	i dont mind you being cautious and not rushing NOLAGurl your verry smart and I respect you allot. you dont have to hide behind the great wall of China tho
Pops	NOLAGurl	i wanna pinch you wight now
Pops	NOLAGurl	on the butt :P
NOLAGurl	Pops	um, y
Pops	NOLAGurl	hahhaa
Pops	NOLAGurl	just cuz
Pops	NOLAGurl	your tuff
NOLAGurl	Pops	?
Pops	NOLAGurl	hehe
Pops	NOLAGurl	just well, I never know how you really feel i guess
Pops	NOLAGurl	you so far behind your defences that you never tell me anything about your feeligns
Pops	NOLAGurl	you dont want me to express mine for you
Pops	NOLAGurl	hmmm
Pops	NOLAGurl	idk
NOLAGurl	Pops	feelings get people in troub;e when revealed too soon
Pops	NOLAGurl	you have me sctatching my head allot wondering what your thinking lol
Pops	NOLAGurl	not really
Pops	NOLAGurl	if that other person is understanding enough to deal with it
NOLAGurl	Pops	In my Expereince, yes. People put themselves out there too soon and what appears to be a strong connection turns out to be lust or an illusion. You have to be careful how much you tell a person you do not know very well, or it'll come back and bite oyu in the butt
Pops	NOLAGurl	hmmm
NOLAGurl	Pops	You are talking to a Psych major, dont make me analyze you
Pops	NOLAGurl	well as long as i'v waited and stayed single just to get my life in order i dont think its a problem to wait
Pops	NOLAGurl	nothin has come to me easy so
Pops	NOLAGurl	not a biggie
Pops	NOLAGurl	please dont get all Psyco Analyzer on me :P
Pops	NOLAGurl	hahaha
NOLAGurl	Pops	Um its kinda a habit
Pops	NOLAGurl	then you will think im crazy
Pops	NOLAGurl	hahah
Pops	NOLAGurl	ya prolly already do
NOLAGurl	Pops	right
Pops	NOLAGurl	maybe your right
Pops	NOLAGurl	i crazy about you :P
Pops	NOLAGurl	keke kissz>
Pops	NOLAGurl	miss GWoC
NOLAGurl	Pops	?
Pops	NOLAGurl	thats Miss Great Wall of China
Pops	NOLAGurl	your a sweetheart NOLAGurl
Pops	NOLAGurl	im just messin wit ya
NOLAGurl	Pops	u hhuh
Pops	NOLAGurl	so can i ask and get an honest and straight answer to this question.
Pops	NOLAGurl	1 sec
Pops	NOLAGurl	heh
Pops	NOLAGurl	I only want to know this bit of info
NOLAGurl	Pops	?
Pops	NOLAGurl	dont rush me
Pops	NOLAGurl	im just wanting to know how you feel about me as in : do you like me ? obviously you are willing to go on another date with me. right ?
Pops	NOLAGurl	and with that I know this might be more info then your willing to give me but ill ask anyway. from what you see and know so far about me, do you feel that maybe you would be interested in getting involved in a relationship with me ? not right now but in the future ? this is the thing i was wanting to ask you.
NOLAGurl	Pops	Um, can say no comment pending the need of further information
Pops	NOLAGurl	YOur Killing me NOLAGurl lol
Pops	NOLAGurl	ok what you want to know
Pops	NOLAGurl	ill send you the info
Pops	NOLAGurl	let me fax you my heart
Pops	NOLAGurl	silly woman
NOLAGurl	Pops	Im not silly :P
Pops	NOLAGurl	ok ill be patient and wait im jk i know
NOLAGurl	Pops	uh huh
Pops	NOLAGurl	but you are silly and i like your sence of humor
Pops	NOLAGurl	thats a good thing
NOLAGurl	Pops	thanks
Pops	NOLAGurl	even your sarcasm
Pops	NOLAGurl	its cute not mean
NOLAGurl	Pops	Are you sure about that
Pops	NOLAGurl	pending the need of further information. What would you like to know ? or need to see from me ?
Pops	NOLAGurl	want my green card ? :P
Pops	NOLAGurl	i am not out there looking for a one night stand or for sex. I have told you what I was looking for and that im looking for that special someone to settle with seriously that has there priorities straight. I am nice & sweet and i think i am romantic most of the time, I also am a great kisser :P guess you just have to wait and see. I am trusting and you can have trust in me.
Pops	NOLAGurl	i dont cheat. dont like that. so hopefully one day you will have trust in me
Pops	NOLAGurl	I am also a very affectionate person. I like gerring hugs and kisses and so far ... all i got was a hug from ya :P dont you feel like your missing out on somthing.

I stopped responding a while ago. Seriously I am a little weirded out by all this. I was trying to be nice but he kept on. I am trying to show him that he is becoming too attached WAY too soon but he does not get it. I am not the girl for him, I am not ready to jump into another serious relationship much less one with a guy who is THAT clingy. I told him not to "wait for me to be ready" but he's just got his mind made up that I am "the one"...how in the world can you know that at this point?!?!!?

Uh oh...

Help, I think one of my dates has become a bit attached to me...

It never fails, my super sweet persona makes people think I want more than I do. They think I am more interested than I really am, because of my flirty friendly personality.

So guy from my 1st, 1st date called me today. He was in my area and asked if I wanted to do lunch. Like I said before we have this connection, so I was like why not. So I met him at the restaurant. He really wanted to come pick me up but I have this thing about guys coming get me from work...unless we have been dating a while. So I get there and it was fun. He was laughing at me because I was having an AWFUL day at work. So we are sitting there eating and talking and he tells me about his best friend (a girl). Which totally doesn't bother me bc I have lots of guy friends and besides that we are just kinda dating, nothing serious. So he tells me this friend was joking with him about how he's only supposed to go to the movies with her, not other girls (he took me to see kung fu panda). To which he replied, "I never said that, I said even when either of us is in a relationship we will still make time to hang out." I didn't really respond. I wasn't sure what to say. Was he implying we were in a relationship? Are we in a relationship? Not by my standards but...

So I kinda glazed over it and I tell him I want to go see the new Batman. He said thats what she wants to see. Then he invited me to go with them. I came up with some excuse...I don't think I am in a place right now where I need to be meeting best friends. Thats just below meeting the family and I am definitely not there.

After lunch he walked me to my car. He kinda cornered me in the door and said he had something for me. Evidently at some point in our conversations I had mentioned my favorite candy...he brought me a bag to bring back to work. It was really sweet of him. So I am trying to avoid the kiss like the plague, cuz it just ruins it for me. He was playing with my hair and touching my face and I was like oh crap. So I went to get in my car and he kissed me, but it was a very sweet gentle kiss, no tongue. Doh, great now he's going to be all in my thoughts again. The thing is I don't think I want to be in a relationship, it doesn't matter how clear I make that, its like its not heard. I do like him, but I don't see us together. Does that make any sense? OK I am going to get back to work now.

My mind is playing tricks on me!

Why do we always fall victim to our 'fantasies'?

I've noticed lately that my mind makes things up (he he he). For instance the guy from my 1st, 1st date. I went on a second date with him. And decided to give the kiss thing another try since we have so much fun together. Yea still not so great. Like, as long as he keeps his tongue in his mouth its great but after that its overwhelming...like I almost feel dirty after. Horrible right?!?

So what is with my brain?!?!?!?! Even though I know I do not like how he kisses I still think about him. Like he's on my mind. And I've already gone through (in my head) how if he's not a great kisser he'd probably lack in other areas, if ya get my drift. I mean not necessarily but in my limited experience I have found a good kisser is good at other things so I can only assume a bad kisser is not good at those things. Not that those things will happen anytime soon with anyone but still, its something to think about.

I just cannot understand why I don't have the same thoughts about the 2nd, 1st date guy who was an AMAZING kisser. You would think he would be the one I think about, right? Which brings me to my crazy thought process. Is personality that important to me? Obviously! I mean the good kisser is a-lot of fun also but there is this connection with the other guy that I do not have with the good kisser guy. I am so confused...

Its official...I attract weirdos!

Did you know guys can become obsessively attached to a woman...even without meeting her?!?!?!?!

Ok so that guy from my "3rd 1st date" entry is still driving me Koo Koo. He randomly texts me. He sends me cutesy stuff on BOTH of my social networking sites, most of which I delete or click ignore. He also IM's me just to say hey and asks me rather personal questions about my life and future. He's really a nice guy (usually) but I am just not interested.

Then there is this other guy. He found me on one of the Social Network sites and sent me a couple messages. He's older like 36 and has a 12 yr old daughter (yikes). He seemed really nice though so I added him as a friend but he can only see limited info about me. We chatted back and forth so I finally gave him one of my IM names to chat. Suddenly I am BOMBARDED with goofy apps on both Social Network Sites. Like kisses, hugs, cuddles, positions, etc etc etc. Then there was the killer app. The one that made me realize that no matter how old men get they will never freaking grow up!

It is called the "Buy your friends" application. Well these two guys I've mentioned were evidently having a war over who "owned" me. This would go on all freaking day, un-known to me. I really do not pay attention to that stuff. Well anyways the older guy, lets call him pops, really freaked me out last Tuesday by sending me a very intimate comment. Well I deleted it and happened to mention to the first guy, lets call him boy-wonder, how it weirded me out a little bit but I thought it was funny. Well that was it. Boy-Wonder started this HUGE ordeal with pops. I wasn't home so I had no access to a computer to witness it but I got a gazillion messages on the site from both of them.

The next day I log in and see all this idiocy. Boy-Wonder was totally out of line but pops fell into the testosterone driven cyberspace fight that commenced. Boy-Wonder actually took it to the point that he told pops he was my boyfriend and to leave me alone. To which pops replied then tell your girlfriend to stop talking to me. Then Boy-Wonder took it too far. He made a rude comment about pops' 12 year old daughter. Saying he was a pedifile, he liked little girls etc etc etc. Well then the little girl gets involved. It was a NIGHTMARE of stupidity!

I gave both of them a piece of my mind via cyberspace ;) haha. TOld them how stupid and immature they were and that if either of them had the slimmest chance of dating me before it was completely gone now because I hate drama and thats all they caused. Mind you I went on 1 date with Boy-Wonder and have never met Pops. Well all day, I am getting I'm sorry B.S. from both of them on both sites. I finally told both of them if they didn't leave me alone I would block them with no chance of them being re-added as a friend. They chilled out real quick.

But how stupid was all that. I was playing online mediator to two guys who don't know me but thought they could lay claim to me. I thought dating was hard before but good god is this all thats left out there? Dumbarses that do nothing but cyber-fight over their "women". This is freaking ridiculous!